IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

people argue that employers should give more attenton to the workers clothes instead they should focus on the job quality. to what extented you agree or disagree? give reasons and examples

Some say that managers should focus on the way employees
are wearing
Verb problem
dress
show examples
 at work,
while
Linking Words
 others would argue that there are more important concerns like the quality of their work.
This
Linking Words
 essay
would argue
Wrong verb form
argues
show examples
 that
although
Linking Words
 dressing appropriately is a major concern, the
workers
Use synonyms
' performance should be the area of focus. On the one hand, following
appropriate
Correct article usage
the appropriate
show examples
 dress code reflects the
company
Use synonyms
's
professionalety
Correct your spelling
professionalism
 in their
job
Use synonyms
. If people start wearing casual in the office, that would reflect a negative image, and others would think that they aren't serious about their
job
Use synonyms
,
as a result
Linking Words
, that would damage their reputation and reduce the number of their clients,
for example
Linking Words
, ZARA
company
Use synonyms
 reported that after the strict regulations they forced on the dress code in 2015 people considered them more respectful and their profits rate increased nearly 23.5% comapred to the
last
Linking Words
 decade.
However
Linking Words
, the
job
Use synonyms
 quality wouldn't be affected by what the employee is wearing.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the most important factor in every
company
Use synonyms
 that would develop it's profits is the
job
Use synonyms
 quality, employer should shed some light on the way their
workers
Use synonyms
 are performing and encourage them to produce more, special
workers
Use synonyms
 which were producing more comparing to their co-
workers
Use synonyms
 should be given credits and other privileges, so the other
workers
Use synonyms
 would be motivated and achieve more,
for instance
Linking Words
,after Apple
company
Use synonyms
 had decided to give a bonus to their creative employees, thier
job
Use synonyms
 performance increased up to 45% compared to their performance
last
Linking Words
 year. In conclusion, wearing
respectfully
Replace the word
respect
show examples
 in the work environment reflects a good image on the
company
Use synonyms
's efficiency,but that wouldn't outweigh how much the
workers
Use synonyms
' productivity is crucial.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect ideas better and improve the flow of the essay.
grammar
Correct spelling mistakes such as 'professionalety' and 'comapred'.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use simpler sentences with clear structure.
task achievement
You have a clear argument and present both sides of the issue.
task achievement
You include examples from real companies, which strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the key points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • superficial aesthetics
  • productivity
  • cultivating true talent
  • inclusive and diverse workplace
  • individuality
  • creativity
  • satisfaction
  • loyalty
  • unecessary stress
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • client-facing roles
  • professionalism
  • dress code
  • work-life balance
  • casual attire
  • pioneers
  • traditional notions
  • correlation
  • job performance
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