IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Write a letter to the manager of your local bus service. They have recently made some changes to the bus services which created inconveniences for you. In your letter, explain: •what are the changes •what are the problems you are facing •what part of the service would you like to change You get 20 minutes to complete this task.

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing in regard to the recent alterations made
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the route of
bus
Use synonyms
number
Use synonyms
 2. Usually,
this
Linking Words
bus
Use synonyms
 used to
start
Wrong verb form
starts
show examples
 from
transit
Correct article usage
the transit
show examples
 terminal to Brier Park, Brantford, covering Lynden Park Mall and the nearby industries on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Bodine Drive. After the changes in route, the public transport does not go to Bodine Drive where
the most of
Correct word order
most of the
show examples
 businesses are located. Since
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the route change
we
Punctuation problem
, we
show examples
 have been taking
9
Correct article usage
the 9
show examples
Use synonyms
number
Check wording
apply
show examples
bus
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 covers all the streets of Brantford before reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Bodine Drive.
This
Linking Words
further
Linking Words
 creates
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 issue because we end up reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work at 8:45 am,
whereas
Linking Words
 we are scheduled to start the shift at 8:00 am.
This
Linking Words
 is not just
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
me
Correct pronoun usage
my
show examples
 problem
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 there are
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of people who get off on the same street as me and are late to work
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
. Would you kindly consider the situation and schedule the 2
Use synonyms
number
Check wording
apply
show examples
bus
Use synonyms
 back to the previous area? If not, please do the needful to change the
bus
Use synonyms
 timing so that we can reach the workplace at
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 time. Thank you for your time and consideration. Yours faithfully, Simranpreet Kaur

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed examples of the problems caused by the route change for a complete response.
coherence and cohesion
Review your punctuation and grammar for smoother reading throughout the letter.
suitable writing tone
The letter has a polite tone, which is appropriate for a formal request.
complete response
Your request for changes is clear and straightforward.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • commuter
  • inconvenience
  • reduced frequency
  • altered routes
  • travel time
  • miscommunication
  • transfers
  • public transport
  • passenger information
  • service improvements
What to do next:
Look at other essays: