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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
This
Linking Words
 given bar chart
depict
Correct subject-verb agreement
depicts
show examples
 the
production
Use synonyms
 and
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in 2014 of
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 ten
Use synonyms
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
show examples
includes
Replace the word
including
show examples
China
Use synonyms
,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States, Russia, Japan, India, Canada, France, Brazil, Germany and Korea. At first glance, it’s clear that
China
Use synonyms
 and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States
America
Change preposition
of America
show examples
 are
Use synonyms
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 highest numbers of
production
Use synonyms
 and
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
Check wording
apply
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 produce
Use synonyms
electricity more
Correct word order
more electricity
show examples
 than
Correct pronoun usage
they consump
show examples
consump
Correct your spelling
consume
, but Germany is opposite. In 2014,
China
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 the top
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 for the manufacturing and
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 5,398
billion
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
kwh is
Verb problem
kWh
show examples
 produced and 5,322
billion
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
kwh is
Verb problem
kWh
show examples
 used. At
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
two
Use synonyms
, America is
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
a country
show examples
 which
keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
show examples
 up with
China
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
production
Use synonyms
 and
consumption
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
electricity
Change preposition
of electricity
show examples
. The reason why these
two
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 are
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 in
production
Use synonyms
 and
consumption
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
electricity
Change preposition
of electricity
show examples
that
Verb problem
is that
show examples
 they are
two
Use synonyms
 hefty industry
countries
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world.
Besides
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
countries
Use synonyms
 have
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
Use synonyms
number
Correct your spelling
amount of kWh
kwh
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
produced than is used, Germany is the
country
Use synonyms
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 the
production
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 is less. Namely, the
number
Use synonyms
kwh
Use synonyms
 which produced is 526,6
billion
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
kwh
Use the right word
kWh
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 which used
15582,5
Verb problem
is 15582,5
show examples
billion
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
kwh
Use the right word
kWh
show examples
.

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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words production, consumption, electricity, countries, china, two, country, billion, kwh, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • electricity production
  • electricity consumption
  • disparity
  • significant
  • top ten countries
  • main features
  • compare
  • relevant
  • geographical concentration
  • trends
  • patterns
  • implications
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