IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the average age of men and women retired from work in seven countries in 2004 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the average age of men and women retired from work in seven countries in 2004 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates the age of people pensioned from
Correct pronoun usage
their job
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 in 7 different countries in 2004 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the number of lifetime
in
Change preposition
apply
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pensioners
entity
Check wording
apply
show examples
in countries
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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such
Linking Words
 as Denmark, France, Germany,
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
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, Sweden and the UK were slightly increased during these years,in Italy
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
, this
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 trend
unchanged
Verb problem
remained unchanged
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. In
Denmark
Add a comma
Denmark,
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 it was at 62 in 2004, after it grew slowly to 62,5.
This
Linking Words
 figure was just under
the
Correct article usage
apply
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59 in France
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it increased to 59. It changed gradually in Germany from 61 to 62.
Linking Words
However
Punctuation problem
However,
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 in Italy
during
Punctuation problem
, during
show examples
 4
years
Punctuation problem
years,
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 it stayed stable at 60. In
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
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Netherlands
Add a comma
Netherlands,
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 it was at 62,8 and it experienced a slight increase to 63 in 2008.
This
Linking Words
 mode in Sweden experienced a slow climb from 63 to 63,5 in 2004 and 2008. In the
UK
Punctuation problem
UK,
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 it had a
little
Correct word choice
slight
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 change from 62,5 to 63
between
Change preposition
over
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 4 years.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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