Some people think a country benefits from a large proportion of young university students, others think sending young people to universities only leads to believe graduate unemployment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is an
unaquitous
Correct your spelling
unquestioned
belief that graduating the university by
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
number of youngsters can benefit their country,
whereas
Linking Words
others are of the opinion that
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
trend in graduating
universities
Change preposition
from universities
show examples
just exacerbates the index of unemployment. In
this
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essay, both perspectives will be examined
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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I share the same opinion as the preceding group. On the one hand, educational
backround
Correct your spelling
background
contributes to the
modernization
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modernisation
show examples
and
civilization
Use the right word
civilisation
show examples
process. Graduated individuals would definitely boost the economy because of two factors.
Firstly
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, the quality of education provided in the university he/she got graduated
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
plays a vital role.
For example
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, the people who have
got
Verb problem
obtained
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their
bachelor
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bachelor's
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and
master
Check wording
master's
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degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
foreign prestigious
Correct word order
prestigious foreign
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educational institutions
,
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apply
show examples
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
are accomplished and high-achieving the lifelong
and
Check wording
achievements and
show examples
Verb problem
are
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even able to start their own businesses and
start ups
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start-ups
show examples
.
Secondly
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,
studends
Correct your spelling
students
need to consider that the field of study requires necessary practical practices which they can apply in their professional journey.
On the other hand
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, not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people are being fruitful in their occupational direction.
Moreover
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, there
are
Verb problem
is are
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large proportion of individuals who finish
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
show examples
but are unable to
be prosperious
Verb problem
prosper
show examples
and find a suitable job.
For example
Linking Words
,
whereas
Linking Words
there are thousands of graduates in
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
,
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
approximate
Replace the word
approximately
show examples
half of them cannot find
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
adequate job
according to
Linking Words
their stream of study for several months and even a year after leaving the colleges.
This
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may lead to depression in the youth.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
it is an ordinary issue for a nation. In my opinion, education enriches a person`s intelligence
quoitent
Correct your spelling
quotient
and
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
show examples
in enhancing the skills,
such
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as interpretation, analysis and
rationale
Use the right word
rational
show examples
ability.
Although
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education should be
primary
Correct article usage
the primary
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factor in the
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
career of people, most universities need to be more responsible to students and contribute
Change preposition
to them
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
primary abilities.
To sum up
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, despite other
assumes
Replace the word
assumptions
show examples
that
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
number
graduates
Change preposition
of graduates
show examples
from colleges
enhance
Verb problem
exacerbates
show examples
the lack of employment of graduates, professional and practical exercises in educational
instiutions
Correct your spelling
institutions
will be a viable option to be accomplished in their lifespan.

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structure
Shape plan first. Write a clear intro that says what you will talk about. Then two full paragraphs for views and one for your own view, and a short conclusion.
coherence
Use simple link words to move from idea to idea. For example, firstly, however, in addition, on the other hand, finally.
examples
Give more specific and real examples. Names of places, numbers help.
language
Check spelling and grammar. Use basic words instead of long phrases.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph has one main idea and a final sentence that links to next idea.
content
Attempts to present both views and to give own opinion.
content
Some ideas show you know why education can help a country.
language
You use some long sentences which show you try to use good form.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • country
  • people
  • young
  • university
  • study
  • work
  • job
  • jobs
  • money
  • time
  • skill
  • skills
  • plan
  • policy
  • education
  • degree
  • future
  • growth
  • economy
  • help
  • need
  • chance
  • problem
  • solution
  • career
  • experience
  • training
  • debt
  • tax
  • cost
  • match
  • fit
  • demand
  • supply
  • market
  • workforce
  • population
  • government
  • country
  • education
  • student
  • learn
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