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Writing Samples
Band 4

Two charts below show the percentage of qualified graduates in a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisions where relevant

Two charts below show the percentage of qualified graduates in a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisions where relevant
The given
pi-diagram
Use the right word
pie diagram
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 demonstrates the proportion of qualified graduates in two different years ( 1980 and 2008) in a definite nation. The unit of measurement is represented in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, the charts
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
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 varied subjects opted by students in two different decades.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in the year 1980, the most popular subject that pupils preferred was
Use synonyms
Masters
Check wording
Master's
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Science
Use synonyms
 with a
percent
Replace the word
percentage
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 of 29,
least
Correct article usage
the least
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 favourite option was
PhD
Use synonyms
Arts
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
with
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 2%. Meanwhile,
First
Use synonyms
degree
Use synonyms
Arts
Use synonyms
 was the 2nd most opted
one
Change preposition
for one
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 with 25%,
whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 19% preferred
First
Use synonyms
degree
Use synonyms
Science
Use synonyms
. 13% and 12% of the graduates were of
PhD
Use synonyms
Science
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
Masters
Check wording
Master's
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Arts
Use synonyms
, respectively. In the year 2008, there were fluctuations in pupils
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 passed out. 29% and 30% of graduates were of
Use synonyms
Masters
Check wording
Master's
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Science
Use synonyms
 and
PhD
Use synonyms
Science
Use synonyms
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, accordingly
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accordingly
Rephrase
respectively
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, 10% and 11% of students preferred
First
Use synonyms
Degree
Use synonyms
Science
Use synonyms
 and
First
Use synonyms
Degree
Use synonyms
Arts
Use synonyms
, respectively.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 13% opted for
Use synonyms
Masters
Check wording
Master's
show examples
Arts
Use synonyms
, the least popular option remained at
PhD
Use synonyms
Arts
Use synonyms
 of 7%.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words masters, science, phd, arts, first, degree with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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