IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The two pie charts below show the percentages of industry sectors’ contribution to the economy of Turkey in 2000 and 2016.

The two pie charts below show the percentages of industry sectors’ contribution to the economy of Turkey in 2000 and 2016.
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of financial contribution by various industry departments of
Turkey
Use synonyms
 between 2000 and 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
,it can be obviously seen that the majority of
Use synonyms
Turkey
Check wording
Turkey's
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economics
Replace the word
economy
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 contributed by agriculture.
However
Linking Words
, 8 entities shared the responsibility of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 in
Turkey
Use synonyms
 almost in the same way in 2016. It is
evidently
Replace the word
evident
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noticed
Verb problem
apply
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that
algriculture
Correct your spelling
agriculture
 was the most important sector
sustained
Wrong verb form
sustaining
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 the economy of
Turkey
Use synonyms
, almost 24%
Turkey
Use synonyms
’s
ecnomy
Correct your spelling
economy
Punctuation problem
, depending
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depending
Wrong verb form
which depends
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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agriculture.
However
Linking Words
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 percentage was
deminished
Correct your spelling
diminished
 over the year
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 became 14 per cent in 2016.
Whereas
Linking Words
, there were some sectors
such
Linking Words
 as government and leisure & hospitality
Linking Words
also
Correct pronoun usage
that also
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 decreased
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 2000 to 2016. Another salient point is that construction’s
shared
Replace the word
share
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 of GDP surged over the 16 years, rising from 3% to 10%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
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 sectors like manufacturing, trade
utilities
Punctuation problem
, utilities
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 & transportation and finance business & other
also
Linking Words
 reduced between 2000 and 2016. The
intersting
Correct your spelling
interesting
 thing is that healthcare and education maintained the same rate of
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 contribution during 16 years.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, however".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words turkey with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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