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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three period and whether they were studying full-time and part-time.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three period and whether they were studying full-time and part-time.
The chart
illustreat
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illustrates
 the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
male
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males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in continuing education in Britain in three
span
Fix the agreement mistake
spans
show examples
 and
if
Change preposition
whether
show examples
 they were learning full-time
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 part-time.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the full-time period,
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 experienced a
fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuating
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 pattern,
while
Linking Words
female
Correct article usage
the female
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 had
steady
Correct article usage
a steady
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increased
Replace the word
increase
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Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 addition it had the highest peak
according to
Linking Words
 the given.
However
Linking Words
, in the temporary time, it can be clear that
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 had
Correct article usage
a slightly
show examples
slightly
Replace the word
slight
show examples
 ahead
of
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the female
group
Use synonyms
. In the permanent
time
Punctuation problem
time,
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 there is a remarkable soaring for
women
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women's
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 education,
especiaully
Correct your spelling
especially
 in the 80th and 90th
century
Fix the agreement mistake
centuries
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, the female
group
Use synonyms
 recorded
culminating
Correct article usage
a culminating
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 soaring in
90th
Correct article usage
the 90th
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 century about 1100,
while
Linking Words
 the peak in the
man
Use the right word
male
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 in
70th
Correct article usage
the 70th
show examples
 century was 1000.
conversly
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Conversely
, in the temporary period, the
man
Use the right word
male
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 is a little
suprior
Correct your spelling
superior
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 women
specifically
Punctuation problem
, specifically
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 in the 70th, had reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
approximitely
Correct your spelling
approximately
 140,
while
Linking Words
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 recorded about
just40
Correct your spelling
just 40
. Afterwards, women
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 observable rise.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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