IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows the amount of money per week spent on fast foods in Britain. The graph shows the trends in consumption of fast foods. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. »

The chart below shows the amount of money per week spent on fast foods in Britain. The graph shows the trends in consumption of fast foods. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. »
The bar chart demonstrates the expenditure on three different fast
Use synonyms
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
hamburgers
Use synonyms
,
fish
Use synonyms
 &
chips
Use synonyms
 and
pizza
Use synonyms
by
Punctuation problem
, by
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 groups from high to low
income
Use synonyms
 in Britain;
while
Linking Words
 the graphs
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
 the change in fast
food
Use synonyms
 consumption in the period of 1970-1990. In the three
income
Use synonyms
 groups,
people
Use synonyms
 with high
income
Use synonyms
 spend the most money on fast
food
Use synonyms
, especially
Hamburgers
Use synonyms
 and pizzas.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 with low
income
Use synonyms
 spend the least. For the trends of fast
food
Use synonyms
 consumption, in 1970,
pizza
Use synonyms
 had the highest
amount
Use synonyms
 but
then
Linking Words
 decreased gradually in 20 years,
while
Linking Words
 the
two
Correct word choice
other two
show examples
others
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
increased over time. The
high
Use the right word
high-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 group of
people
Use synonyms
 spend their money mostly on
Hamburgers
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 the number of over 40 pence per week,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is a considerable expenditure
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the other two kinds of fast
food
Use synonyms
. They
also
Linking Words
use
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 most money on fast
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 between the
income
Use synonyms
 groups, particularly on
Hamburgers
Use synonyms
 and
Pizza
Use synonyms
. The average
income
Use synonyms
 group spends about 25 pence per week on
Fish
Use synonyms
 &
chips
Use synonyms
, which is the highest
amount
Use synonyms
 spent on
this
Linking Words
 kind of fast
food
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
low
Use the right word
low-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
expend
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 the least on fast
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
, they pay out the most on
Fish
Use synonyms
 &
chips
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of approximately 17 pence per week.
Besides
Linking Words
, the graph shows the trend in
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of fast
food
Use synonyms
 in the period from 1970 to 1990. In 1970, most
consumped
Correct your spelling
consumed
 fast
food
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
pizza
Use synonyms
, with
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
Use synonyms
amount
Check wording
average
show examples
 of 300
grams
Use synonyms
 in average;
while
Linking Words
fish
Use synonyms
 &
chips
Use synonyms
 and
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
 were less eaten, both were under 100
grams
Use synonyms
. After 20 years, in 1990,
pizza
Use synonyms
 gradually became less popular and dropped to almost 200
grams
Use synonyms
 consumed per year
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 Hamburger steadily went up by over 200
grams
Use synonyms
, though
fish
Use synonyms
 &
chips
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 less consumed, it
also
Linking Words
 jumped to almost 300
grams
Use synonyms
, which is a considerable change.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words food, hamburgers, fish, chips, pizza, income, people, amount, grams with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Expenditure
  • Fast food
  • Income groups
  • High-income
  • Low-income
  • Medium-income
  • Hamburgers
  • Fried chicken
  • Fish & chips
  • Consumption
  • Trends
  • Significant increase
  • Decline
  • Popularity
  • Spending patterns
  • Consumption trends
  • Lifestyle
  • Preferences
  • Prices
What to do next:
Look at other essays: