IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004.
The bar chart compares five different age
gropus
Correct your spelling
groups
,under 30,31-45,46-60,61-75 and 76+. And it illustrates how much they spent on
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
restaurants
Punctuation problem
, restaurants
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
hotels
Use synonyms
. And
entertaiments
Correct your spelling
entertainment
Overall
Linking Words
, the chart shows that young
people
Use synonyms
 in the
Uk
Use the right word
UK
show examples
 in 2004 spent the highest percentage of their money on
restaurants
Use synonyms
 and
hotels
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 older
people
Use synonyms
, especially those above 60, spent more on
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
.
Entertainment
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 very important for the group aged 61–75.
People
Use synonyms
 under 30 preferred to spend most of their money on
restaurants
Use synonyms
 and
hotels
Use synonyms
, about 15%. Their spending on
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 was very low, around 6%,
while
Linking Words
entertainment
Use synonyms
 took around 8%. In the 31–45 group, the proportion of money for
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 increased to about 14%, and spending on
restaurants
Use synonyms
 and
hotels
Use synonyms
 was almost the same.
Entertainment
Use synonyms
 was a little below 10%. Among
people
Use synonyms
 aged 46-60
Use synonyms
food
Punctuation problem
, food
show examples
 and
drink
Use synonyms
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 the largest
caterogory
Correct your spelling
category
,reaching nearly 18%.
Restaurants
Use synonyms
 and
hotels
Use synonyms
 dropped to around 12%, but
entertainment
Use synonyms
 rose to 14%. For the 61–75 group,
entertainment
Use synonyms
 was the highest, over 20%,
while
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
also
Linking Words
 close to 19%.
However
Linking Words
,
restaurants
Use synonyms
 and
hotels
Use synonyms
 fell sharply to only 2–3%.
Finnaliy
Correct your spelling
Finally
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 the 76+group
Use synonyms
food
Punctuation problem
, food
show examples
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 dominated 22%.
Enternaimnet
Correct your spelling
Entertainment
 stayed at 13%

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words food, drink, restaurants, hotels, people, entertainment with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: