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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart compares the share of Britain’s population who consumed five or more portions of fruits and vegetables in their daily meals. The data is categorised according to gender and age.

The bar chart compares the share of Britain’s population who consumed five or more portions of fruits and vegetables in their daily meals. The data is categorised according to gender and age.
The bar chart shows the number of children,
men
Use synonyms
 and women in Britain who daily eat five or more portions of
fruits
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 and
vegetables
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 from 2001 to 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, women had the highest average in people who consumed
fruits
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 and
vegetables
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 from 2001 to 2008.
However
Linking Words
, children had the lowest average population that consumed
fruits
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 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 over an
8 year
Use the right word
8-year
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 period.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in
2008
Punctuation problem
2008,
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 only 22 women ate
fruits
Use synonyms
 and
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the following years slightly grew upwards
reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
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 the peak of 35 in 2006,
then
Linking Words
 gradually declined to 30 in 2008.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, from 2001 to
2003
Punctuation problem
2003,
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they
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 were approximately 17
men
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 ate
fruits
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 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
.Following after, the was an increase in
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of
men
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, with the highest being in 2006 and
2007
Punctuation problem
2007,
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 with about 27
men
Use synonyms
,the

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, fruits, vegetables with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • portion
  • consumption
  • gender
  • age group
  • percentage
  • daily meals
  • recommendation
  • trend
  • health impact
  • government intervention
  • increase
  • decrease
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