IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In the fast-paced modern world, companies sometimes request personal
information
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 from
people
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 who have requested jobs, namely their hobbies, interests, and whether they are married or single. Some have argued that these
questions
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 may be associated with the jobs and contribute to
employers
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 choosing better
candidates
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.
However
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, others claim that these practices are wrong, since these data are related to their privacy. I believe that these
questions
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 can play a crucial role in selecting well-qualified
candidates
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 if these
questions
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 are not related to religious matters. The champions of asking about personal habits voice that the
information
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 helps
employers
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 select
people
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 who are
more
Rephrase
better
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 adapted to company conditions. To be more precise, some job positions,
due to
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 their occupational condition, require
people
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 to work far away from their homes, leading to them being unable to see their family frequently;
consequently
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, if a candidate has problems in his family, he cannot carry out his job more efficiently.
In addition
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, these
questions
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 reveal
candidates
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' personalities, which can include important
information
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, particularly their ability
in facing
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to face
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 challenges and their skills in teamwork or individual work.
Thus
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, the
information
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 can transcend the existing barriers between job and personal habits, allowing
employers
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 to select more potential
people
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.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 believe that some
questions
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 are not only too personal, but
also
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 asking about them can reduce the efficiency of the interview.
Moreover
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, they make it difficult to find truly qualified
individuals
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. A salient example is Iran, where interviewers ask
candidates
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 more about their religious matters and do not pay attention to
Correct article usage
the candidate
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candidate
Fix the agreement mistake
candidates
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 abilities, causing not only the hiring of
individuals
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 with low performance but
also
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 the emigration of
individuals
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 with high performance.
Hence
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, these
questions
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 sometimes prevent the selection of
individuals
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with
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of
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 high quality, which directly threatens the performance of the company.
To sum up
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, in my opinion, the
information
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 can assist companies in selecting more qualified
individuals
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, particularly ones who can easily adapt to company conditions.
Nevertheless
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, the
employers
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 must not purely focus on personal habits
such
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 as
candidates
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' beliefs in various subjects, especially religious matters.

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task
Make your main idea clear in the first lines of the essay, and keep one line idea in each part.
coherence
In each paragraph, have one main point and show how it links to your big idea using simple words.
lexical
Use simple and real examples. Do not rely on long facts from many lands. Check facts you mention.
content
The text shows a clear talk on both sides.
structure
The essay uses some good links and flow from one idea to another.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
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