IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Should companies ensure that they employ a quota (or fixed percentage) of women in all jobs, or is this an impractical concept? Discuss both sides of this debate, and reach a conclusion based on your own opinion.

Some people argue
,
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apply
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 that there should be a fixed quota
alloted
Correct your spelling
allotted
 to
the
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women
Use synonyms
 in all types of
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
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,
whereas
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,
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 others debate against it. I believe
,
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 that there are both positive and negative aspects of
this
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 development, which
,
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 I will discuss
further
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 in
this
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 essay
,
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 and will explicate my opinion on it. First and foremost, patriarchy is still widely prevalent in
the
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society,
due to
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 which
women
Use synonyms
 do not get
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
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 chance to show their talent and
caliber
Use the right word
calibre
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.
However
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, if we observe a quota for them, it ensures diversity
at
Change preposition
in
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a
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the
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work place
Use the right word
workplace
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, and
hence
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, all the perspectives are taken into consideration,
while
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 making any critical decision. It ensures
,
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 that equal cerebral opportunity is provided to both
the
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genders, and
furthermore
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, promotes equity.
However
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, on the other edge of
sword
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the sword
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, sometimes
this
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 practice of having
fixed
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a fixed
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percetage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of girls in the jobs,
also
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 becomes a negative development, because of its misuse. Some
women
Use synonyms
 win the job due
their
Change preposition
to their
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 sex, and not because they are competent, and have the potential.
However
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,
this
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 con can easily be avoided
,
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 if the hiring parties make sure that
,
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 the person they are hiring is qualified and talented enough.
To conclude
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, I strongly believe that the positive side of having
definite
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a definite
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 quota for
women
Use synonyms
 in a job outweighs the negative sides, as it is really important that females get
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
 chance to participate in work and should not be left behind just because they are considered weak by common societal stereotypes.

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grammar
Fix small grammar and spell errors (e.g., percetage -> percentage, edge of sword -> double-edged sword).
content
Add clear and real examples to show your main ideas.
coherence
Use more clear topic sentences and link ideas with simple linking words.
task
Keep a steady line of view from intro to end; restate your position in the conclusion.
stance
You show a clear position in the end.
content
You discuss both sides of the issue.
structure
There are good joins like First and foremost and However.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • quota
  • diversity
  • historical imbalances
  • meritocracy
  • underrepresented
  • gender inequality
  • tokenism
  • administrative challenge
  • nuanced policies
  • rigid
  • complement
  • disparity
  • implementation
  • context
What to do next:
Look at other essays: