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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table and bar graph below show time spent on leisure and household activities in the UK. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table and bar graph below show time spent on leisure and household activities in the UK. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Time
Use synonyms
 spent on home chores and leisure in the UK is displayed in the table and bar graph below.
Overall
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on leisure activities than
women
Use synonyms
except
Punctuation problem
, except
show examples
 in reading.
While
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on household activities than
men
Use synonyms
, especially in cooking and washing, with repairing as an exception. In detail,
men
Use synonyms
 spend much more
time
Use synonyms
 than
women
Use synonyms
 on TV, radio and video, with
men
Use synonyms
 spending an average of 137
Use synonyms
mins
Use the right word
minutes
show examples
 per
day
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 spending an average of 118
Use synonyms
mins
Use the right word
minutes
show examples
 per
day
Use synonyms
. As a matter of fact,
this
Linking Words
 is the activity that both genders spend most of their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 on.
Whereas
Linking Words
 reading is higher in
women
Use synonyms
, with an average of 19
Use synonyms
mins
Use the right word
minutes
show examples
 per
day
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, which is just 1
min
Use the right word
minute
show examples
 above
men
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. The average
time
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 spent per
day
Use synonyms
 on sports is higher in
men
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, at an average of a quarter of an hour per
day
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,
while
Linking Words
 for
women
Use synonyms
 it is just 11
Use synonyms
mins
Use the right word
minutes
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on household activities than
men
Use synonyms
, with a huge gap between the two genders in the cooking and washing category, with an average of 75 minutes per
day
Use synonyms
 with
women
Use synonyms
 and an average of half an hour per
day
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 with
men
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. The rest of the house chores are being done by
women
Use synonyms
 the most, except repairing, because
men
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 overtake
women
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 activity
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 an average of nearly 20 minutes with
men
Use synonyms
 and just 10 minutes with
women
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, men, women, mins, day with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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