IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of both male and female people in six different age groups in Australia doing regular physical activity in 2010. The bar chart below show the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of both male and female people in six different age groups in Australia doing regular physical activity in 2010. The bar chart below show the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart above shows the proportion of physical
exercise
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 based on gender of different
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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 in the year 2010. We can see that
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 from 15-24 years of
age
Use synonyms
 were doing
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
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exercise
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, than other
age
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 groups
peaking
Punctuation problem
, peaking
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 at 52.8%, and those between 35-44 were
least
Correct article usage
the least
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 active
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 only 39.5% doing any physical activity. The youngsters from 25-34, and the
middle aged
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middle-aged
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 were almost equally working out, with each
age
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 group averaging around 43%. There is a slight increase observed in the next two
age
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 groups
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 people from 55-64 at 45.1% and 65 and above at 46.7%. Teenage girls were least interested in physical chores
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 only 47.7% doing any workout. Apart from that, we can see a steady increase in the popularity of
exercise
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, as we move to other
age
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 groups, with 25-
34 year
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34-year-old
 girls, 48.9% doing the physical activities. All the women from 35-64
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apply
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age
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, more than 50% were going out, with
this
Linking Words
 trend
maximizing
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maximising
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 the most in
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age
Correct article usage
the age
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 group 45-54
peaking
Punctuation problem
, peaking
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 at 53.3%.
However
Linking Words
, it decreases after 64, averaging at 47.1%. Apart from the adolescents, it is clearly seen in the graph that women did more
exercise
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 as compared to men, with
this
Linking Words
 trend almost
equalizing
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equalising
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 in the
age
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 group 64-above.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words exercise, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • percentage
  • age groups
  • regular physical activity
  • participation rates
  • significantly higher
  • notable exception
  • decline
  • social factors
  • cultural influences
  • public health implications
  • demographics
  • engagement in physical activities
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