The graph bellow show the percentage of math graduates and all graduates who got full-time job after graduating from university in Australia, and also shows the average salary of both grads, from 2004 to 2012.

The graph bellow show the percentage of math graduates and all graduates who got full-time job after graduating from university in Australia, and also shows the average salary of both grads, from 2004 to 2012.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The graph bellow show the percentage of math graduates and all graduates who got full-time job after graduating from university in Australia, and also shows the average salary of both grads, from 2004 to 2012.
The graphs
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
the percentage of
math
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
and all
graduates
Use synonyms
who finished university in Australia and got
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
the diagram shows the
the medium
Replace the word
median
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
of both grads,
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
2004 to 2012.
Linking Words
Overall
Punctuation problem
Overall,
show examples
math
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
graduates
Fix the agreement mistake
graduate
show examples
students
Use synonyms
got more
job
Use synonyms
places compared to all
graduates
Use synonyms
.
Its
Use the right word
It's
show examples
clear that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
both
math
Use synonyms
and all graduated
students
Use synonyms
had
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
average
salary
Use synonyms
in 2004 and
2006
Punctuation problem
2006,
show examples
with 41000$ and 43000$
recpectiely
Correct your spelling
respectively
. In 2008 it
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
to 50000$ for
math
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
and 4500$ for all
graduates
Use synonyms
.As you can see
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
math
Use synonyms
sudents
Correct your spelling
students
Use synonyms
salary
Punctuation problem
, salary
show examples
boomed to 60000$ by the
and
Use the right word
end
show examples
of
2012
Punctuation problem
2012,
show examples
while
Linking Words
for all
students
Use synonyms
average
salary
Use synonyms
by 2012 was 51000$. It is
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
that
matth
Correct your spelling
math
students
Use synonyms
got 80% of
job
Use synonyms
places in
2004
Punctuation problem
2004,
show examples
then
Linking Words
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
to 10% by 2006 and returned
stadily
Correct your spelling
steadily
to 80% by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2012.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
similar trend was
for
Verb problem
observed for
show examples
all
students
Use synonyms
were
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
started with 65% and increased to 90% in 2008
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
dropped again to 65% by 2012. In conclusion,those who graduated
math
Use synonyms
subject had
overall
Linking Words
better
job
Use synonyms
aceptance
Correct your spelling
acceptance
and higher
salary
Use synonyms
during 2004 and 2012.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
Vocabulary: Replace the words math, graduates, job, salary, students with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "rised" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: