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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy consumption of the UK in two years

The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy consumption of the UK in two years
The data illustrates the comparison of multiple kinds of
energy
Use synonyms
productions
Fix the agreement mistake
production
show examples
Punctuation problem
,
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such
Linking Words
 as Coal, Gas,
Petro
Use the right word
petroleum
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, Nuclear and other
Check wording
forms consumption
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consumption of
Correct word order
of consumption
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the
Change preposition
in the
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 United
kingdom
Fix capitalization
Kingdom
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in
Change preposition
apply
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between 1995 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest rate was seen in coal with 29.80% and least in other ,respectively
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 1995.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2005, the largest area
cover
Replace the word
covered
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in
Verb problem
was in
show examples
 coal and
smallest
Correct article usage
the smallest
show examples
 in other
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 30.93% and 9.10% ,
correspondingly
Replace the word
respectively
show examples
. After analysing the pie chart, it can be seen that, in 1995, coal
energy
Use synonyms
 with 29.80% ,gas
share
Use synonyms
29.63
Change preposition
of 29.63
show examples
% and petro
share
Use synonyms
29.27
Change preposition
of 29.27
show examples
%, which is almost
equally
Replace the word
equal
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 to
coal
Correct article usage
the coal
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energy
Use synonyms
 level.
However
Linking Words
, nuclear
Use synonyms
share
Fix the agreement mistake
shares
show examples
 6.40% and other
Use synonyms
share
Fix the agreement mistake
shares
show examples
 4.90% proportion , which was nearly lower
comparison
Replace the word
compared
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with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 others.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2005, coal
proudction silghtly
Correct your spelling
production slightly
 increased
upto
Use the right word
up to
show examples
 1.13% from 1995
year
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 gas
cover
Correct subject-verb agreement
covers
show examples
 30.31% which is showing
Correct article usage
a minimally
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minimally
Replace the word
minimal
show examples
 rise
upto
Use the right word
up to
show examples
 1.58%.
Singnificantly
Correct your spelling
Significantly
, petro
drooped
Use the right word
dropped
show examples
 down to 19.55% which is
comparitively
Correct your spelling
comparatively
 low from
last
Linking Words
 year and leads to
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 productive
energy
Use synonyms
 . On the one hand, other
energy
Use synonyms
 went up to 9.10%, which showed a small deviation.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, share with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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