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Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar chart shows the average number of hours per week that men and women spend doing activities around the home. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the average number of hours per week that men and women spend doing activities around the home. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph compares the average number of
hours
Use synonyms
 per week spent doing activities around the home by males and females.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that most household chores, including cooking, cleaning the house, and washing up
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 are done by
women
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 other activities,
such
Linking Words
 as gardening, surfing the
internet
Correct article usage
The internet
show examples
 and watching television
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 are done by
men
Use synonyms
. Looking at the details, in terms of spending
time
Use synonyms
 in the kitchen is common for females
use
Verb problem
to use
show examples
 15
hours
Use synonyms
 per week,
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 spend only 8
hours
Use synonyms
. When it comes to
clean
Wrong verb form
cleaning
show examples
 the house,
men
Use synonyms
 spend much less
time
Use synonyms
 than
women
Use synonyms
, with 3 and 5
hours
Use synonyms
, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, to wash up
Use synonyms
men
Punctuation problem
, men
show examples
 devote 5
hours
Use synonyms
,
women
Use synonyms
 use a little more
time
Use synonyms
 on it, around 7
hours
Use synonyms
. He and she
allocate
Fix capitalization
Allocate
show examples
 a bit
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 same
time
Use synonyms
 for reading, with 5 and 5,5
hours
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Men
Use synonyms
 are active for entertainment things like watching TV and surfing the web with about 14 and 13
hours
Use synonyms
 weekly,
while
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 dedicate 11 and 4
hours
Use synonyms
, in that order. In the case of gardening, both of them use a small amount of
time
Use synonyms
, with 2 and 1
hours
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the ninth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, women, men, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the ninth paragraph.
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