IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The two line graphs below show New Zealand import figures fromAustralia and Japan in the years 1994 -2004.

The two line graphs below show New Zealand import figures fromAustralia and Japan in the years 1994 -2004.
These two line charts illustrate the amount of New
Zealand
Use synonyms
import
Check wording
imports
show examples
 from
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Australia
Use synonyms
 between 1994
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, a significant upward trend showed in New
Zealand
Use synonyms
imports
Use synonyms
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
Australia
Use synonyms
 over a decade.
However
Linking Words
, the figure for New
Zealand
Use synonyms
imports
Use synonyms
 from
Japan
Use synonyms
 presented a decline
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the 10 years. From 1994 to 1999, the quantity of
importing
Replace the word
imports
 from
Australia
Use synonyms
 fluctuated dramatically. It showed a little decline from 4000
NZ
Use synonyms
$
million
Use synonyms
 in 1994,
then
Linking Words
 it had
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increasing trend but
finally
Linking Words
 dropped
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 3000
NZ
Use synonyms
$
million
Use synonyms
 in 1999.
By contrast
Linking Words
, New
Zealand
Use synonyms
imports
Use synonyms
 from
Japan
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 fluctuated but
finally
Linking Words
 rose from 3000
NZ
Use synonyms
$
million
Use synonyms
 to more than 4000
NZ
Use synonyms
$
million
Use synonyms
 during the 5 years. Between 1999 and 2004, New
Zealand
Use synonyms
imports
Use synonyms
 from
Australia
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 both increased
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first year. But the figures for
imports
Use synonyms
 from
Japan
Use synonyms
 decreased significantly
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it recorded the lowest figure at 2000
NZ
Use synonyms
$
million
Use synonyms
 in 2004.
However
Linking Words
, New
Zealand
Use synonyms
imports
Use synonyms
 from
Australia
Use synonyms
 represented
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increasing trend
overall
Linking Words
 and reached a peak of 7000
NZ
Use synonyms
$
million
Use synonyms
 in 2004.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally, however, overall".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words zealand, japan, australia, imports, nz, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: