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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
The pie charts compare the proportions of nutrients - including
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat, and
sugar
Use synonyms
 -
in particular
Linking Words
 meals, which can be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unhealty
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
 if eaten too much.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that dinner contains the highest percentage of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and oil,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 share in
snacks
Use synonyms
revealed
Verb problem
is revealed
show examples
 as
sugar
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, dinner includes
largest
Correct article usage
the largest
show examples
 share of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and unhealthy fat at 43% and 37%, respectively.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 percentage
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 makes up 23%,
gives
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 its place to
snacks
Use synonyms
 with 42%. The proportion of
sodium
Use synonyms
 in
snacks
Use synonyms
 and breakfast reveals the same ratio at only 14%,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 pattern
also
Linking Words
occur
Correct subject-verb agreement
occurs
show examples
 in breakfast for
sugar
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat,
accounts
Correct pronoun usage
which accounts
show examples
 for 16%. Moving
further
Linking Words
, lunch comprises 29% of
sodium
Use synonyms
, 26% of oil, and 19% of sweet, respectively.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, saturated oil in
snacks
Use synonyms
 reveals 21% of
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 total.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar, snacks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrients
  • average percentage
  • distribution
  • consumption
  • meal times
  • excessive
  • implications
  • dietary
  • intake
  • macronutrients
  • saturated fats
  • sugars
  • sodium
  • unhealthy
  • proportion
  • variation
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