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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The table bellow illustrates UK participation in selected sports by gender between 2005/06 and 2008/09. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons here relevant.

The table bellow illustrates UK participation in selected sports by gender between 2005/06 and 2008/09. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons here relevant.
The data
represents
Correct subject-verb agreement
represent
show examples
 the
participation
Use synonyms
 in selected
sports
Use synonyms
 in the UK from June 2005 to September 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the table,
men
Use synonyms
 tend to be more active in most
sports
Use synonyms
, apart
swimming
Change preposition
from swimming
show examples
 or diving, where women dominate, but jogging is the least popular for both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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genders.
Male dominated
Use the right word
Male-dominated
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sports
Use synonyms
 are cycling and running-including
sports
Use synonyms
.
Participation
Use synonyms
 in cycling by
men
Use synonyms
 has increased gradually over the
time
Use synonyms
 period, reaching 14,4% in September 2008, which is the highest percentile reached by
men
Use synonyms
 in any sport throughout the
time
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 recorded
,
Punctuation problem
;
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meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
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 female
participation
Use synonyms
 has slightly decreased in June 2005
being
Punctuation problem
, being
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 more than a twofold less than the male highest point
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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September
Change preposition
in September
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 2008
being
Punctuation problem
, being
show examples
 6,5%. Jogging and other
spots
Use the right word
sports
show examples
 that include running,
such
Linking Words
 as
cross-country
Fix capitalization
Cross-country
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 or road running
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 are less popular among male participants than cycling and have not drastically changed over
time
Use synonyms
. The highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 reached is in July 2006 at 7,8% and the lowest
just
Verb problem
is just
show examples
 a little over a year prior at 6,9%. Female
percentage
Use synonyms
 had a slight fluctuation, starting at 3,5% and finishing with 4,8%. Both
men
Use synonyms
 and women partake in swimming and diving pretty actively, in comparison to other selected
sports
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, females take up
the
Correct article usage
a
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bigger
Correct word choice
larger
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 proportion.
Although
Linking Words
 female
participation
Use synonyms
 in swimming or diving has decreased, it still holds a considerably high
percentage
Use synonyms
, in 2005 being 18% and in 2008 being 16,5%.
Men
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 not beating women in the swimming
sports
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
 hold a pretty good position, over the
time
Use synonyms
 period maintaining the
percentage
Use synonyms
 at 12,2-13,3%

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words participation, sports, men, time, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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