IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the percentage of Australian men and women in three age groups who were employed in 1984, 2001 and 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of Australian men and women in three age groups who were employed in 1984, 2001 and 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar charts
demonstrat
Correct your spelling
demonstrate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the proportion of women and men employed in three
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 in three different
years
Use synonyms
1984
Punctuation problem
: 1984
show examples
, 2001 and 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, the males showed the highest number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
workers that women in all
years
Use synonyms
 and all
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
.
Althouh
Correct your spelling
Although
, they became
same
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
equally
Replace the word
equal
show examples
 at some points with the
ladiest
Correct your spelling
ladies
. Added to that, old
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 remain the lowest all the time in both
sex
Fix the agreement mistake
sexes
show examples
.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 the young
age
Use synonyms
 in both
geneders
Correct your spelling
genders
 had no
siginificant
Correct your spelling
significant
 changes. In
groups
Use synonyms
 of 60-64
Use synonyms
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 the percentage of workers
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 40% in year of 1984.
Also
Linking Words
, the rate kept increasing to 41%
untill
Correct your spelling
until
reached
Correct pronoun usage
it reached
show examples
 60% in 2001 and 2014 respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the people
Use synonyms
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 between 15 to 19
years
Use synonyms
 started high by 61%
then
Linking Words
 dropped mildly to 60% in 1984 and
2001
Punctuation problem
2001,
show examples
 respectively.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 static at 80% in
35
Correct article usage
the 35
show examples
-44
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
at
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the three
years
Use synonyms
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the women's staff were 60% between
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
15
Change preposition
of 15
show examples
-19
years
Use synonyms
 in 1984 and remained stable throughout the period.
Linking Words
additionally
Fix capitalization
Additionally
show examples
, female workers increased gradually in 1984, 2001 and 2014 from 59% to 70% until
stabilized
Change the spelling
stabilised
show examples
 at 80% in lifetime from 35 to 44.
Finally
Linking Words
, females generation from 60-64 were the lowest at 10% and
then
Linking Words
 went up slightly to reach 20%
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1984 to
2001
Punctuation problem
2001,
show examples
 respectively.
However
Linking Words
,
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 low
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between the other ages
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
 it increased
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 41%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 3 times.
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