IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many cities the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crime, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks?

In many cities, video
cameras
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 are being installed in public areas to prevent
crime
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.
Although
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 some
people
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 argue that
this
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 limits personal freedom, I strongly agree that the camera can prevent crimes or rather save someone's stuff.
Firstly
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,
cameras
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 can help to reduce
crime
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. Because when
people
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 know that they are being watched, there is less chance for the robbers to steal something or do illegal acts like vandalism.
For example
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, if you put a camera in the store, it can prevent
crime
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. It can give a feeling of safety because everything you are doing will be on a disk
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 the administration can open and see what you did at the exact time they want
Secondly
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, they can help the police. If a
crime
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 happens, the recorded video can help identify the criminal quickly.
This
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 saves time and helps bring justice to victims. It can
also
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 prevent future crimes by discouraging other offenders. Of course, some
people
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 think
cameras
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 are not only used for privacy.
However
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, they are usually placed in public places, not in
people
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’s homes, so they do not really take away personal freedom. The main goal of
cameras
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 is to keep
people
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 safe, not to watch them closely In conclusion, I believe that
cameras
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 are a good thing for society
and
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, and
show examples
 they give the feeling that you are not in danger

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structure
Plan a short intro that says your view and a plan of what you will say.
structure
Add more balance: say the good and the bad, then say why the good outweighs the bad.
grammar
Use more simple, clear sentences; fix long, run-on lines.
lexical
Try to use only common words and avoid big words or rare phrases.
example
Give 1-2 real examples or facts to back up points.
conclusion
Finish with a short end line that restates your view.
stance
You give a clear view from the start.
structure
The essay uses a good order with First and Second and a last line.
content
The topic is kept on track most of the time.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Surveillance cameras
  • Public safety
  • Deterrent
  • Evidence collection
  • Apprehend perpetrators
  • Public spaces
  • Invasion of privacy
  • Civil liberties
  • Abuse of power
  • Misuse
  • Cost implications
  • Monitoring
  • Maintenance
  • Essential services
  • Justice system
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