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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart belows shows the percentage of people innecity in the uk using the internet for different activities in 2007 and 2009

The chart belows shows the percentage of people innecity in the uk using the internet for different activities in 2007 and 2009
The graph shows the difference
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
internet
Use synonyms
 usage from 2007 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 is used significantly for shopping all the time.
While
Linking Words
network
Correct article usage
the network
show examples
 is used pretty same for banking and music, other activities
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 far less network. Shopping, job seeking
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
 were increased slightly. In 2007, around 45% net was used for shopping
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it grew to 50%. 25% people used
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 for finding a job
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 year
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 figure experienced to
marginally
Replace the word
marginal
show examples
 growth in 2009. Individuals spent 15% of
internet
Use synonyms
 in 2007. After 2 years, people
utilized
Change the spelling
utilised
show examples
 20% of
web
Correct article usage
the web
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
internet
Use synonyms
 usage for shopping, job seeking and
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
 increased moderately, the percentage of
humans
Check wording
people
show examples
 who used
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 for banking, games and learning has declined slightly. They
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
all failed
5
Change preposition
by 5
show examples
% in 2009.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words internet with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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