IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graphs below show the percentage of math graduates and all graduates who got full time job after graduating from a university in Australia and also show the average salary of both these types of grads, from 2004 to 2012.

The graphs below show the percentage of math graduates and all graduates who got full time job after graduating from a university in Australia and also show the average salary of both these types of grads, from 2004 to 2012.
The data below presents the proportion of
math
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 and all
graduates
Use synonyms
 who
recive
Correct your spelling
received
 a
full time
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
 job after graduating
an
Change preposition
from an
show examples
 Australian
univeristy
Correct your spelling
university
 and
also
Linking Words
 displays the average
salary
Use synonyms
 of
both
Use synonyms
types
Use synonyms
 of
mentioned
Verb problem
apply
show examples
graduates
Use synonyms
, between 2004 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, there is a bigger
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
math
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have a
full time
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
 paying job after graduation. Despite, that the average
salary
Use synonyms
 has increased for
both
Use synonyms
types
Use synonyms
 of
grads
Use synonyms
, the
math
Use synonyms
grads
Use synonyms
 have a higher
salary
Use synonyms
. From 2004 to 2006,
both
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
math
Use synonyms
 and other
grads
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 have had an increase in
full time
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
 workers, though from 2006 the
grads
Use synonyms
 who have finished with a
math
Use synonyms
 degree diploma
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 have had a
downship
Correct your spelling
decrease
 in their
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
, going from 90% to 80%. For the students with other
types
Use synonyms
 of degrees, they have continued a rise in the
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 from 2006 to 2008, reaching
round
Use the right word
around
show examples
 85%, though from 2008 to 2012, they started to have a fall in the number of
precentages
Correct your spelling
percentages
, shifting to 65%, staying lower than
math
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
. The average
salary
Use synonyms
 for
both
Use synonyms
math
Use synonyms
 and other
graduates
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 was the same during the years 2004 and 2006, but in the years
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2008, 2010 and 2012,
both
Use synonyms
types
Use synonyms
 of
graduates
Use synonyms
 seemed to have a rise in their average
salary
Use synonyms
, but
math
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 seemed to have a higher rise than the others, having
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 difference of 4 to 9
thousend
Correct your spelling
thousand
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words math, graduates, salary, both, types, grads with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rate
  • percentage of graduates
  • full-time job
  • average salary
  • trend analysis
  • comparison
  • unemployment
  • economic conditions
  • graduate population
  • specified period
What to do next:
Look at other essays: