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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts beloow show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak othe languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts beloow show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak othe languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The data presents the ratio of British
students
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 English university who speak other
Use synonyms
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
despite
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 English, in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2000 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who speak only
Correct article usage
the spanish
show examples
spanish
Fix capitalization
Spanish
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 take the biggest proportion of the
chart
Use synonyms
 in both years, but the
secound
Correct your spelling
second
 largest section of the
chart
Use synonyms
 differs in the compared years. In 2000,
students
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 able to speak the most
spanish
Fix capitalization
Spanish
show examples
, because it takes approximately one-third of the data (30%). The
secound
Correct your spelling
second
 largest portion, being 20%, are
students
Use synonyms
 who can't speak any other
language
Use synonyms
despite
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 English. French
language
Use synonyms
 and another
language
Use synonyms
 are at the same percentage, 15%,
while
Linking Words
german
Fix capitalization
German
show examples
 and two other languages take the smallest part of 10%. In 2010, like in 2000,
Correct article usage
the spanish
show examples
spanish
Fix capitalization
Spanish
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 is the most spoken
taking
Punctuation problem
, taking
show examples
 35% of the
chart
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 the
secound
Correct your spelling
second
 most spoken is another
language
Use synonyms
being
Punctuation problem
, being
show examples
 20%. Compared with
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
show examples
 the other four categories take the same portion of the
chart
Use synonyms
, being a petite 10%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, language, chart with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • language
  • speak
  • speak another language
  • English
  • share
  • proportion
  • percent
  • rise
  • increase
  • fall
  • decrease
  • change
  • trend
  • overall
  • year
  • 2000
  • 2010
  • most common
  • least common
  • top language
  • variety
  • different
  • compare
  • in contrast
  • as well as
  • in addition
  • more
  • less
  • same
  • data
  • chart
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