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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graphs below show the percentage of graduates that got full-time jobs after graduating from a university in Australia, and the average salary of both these types of graduates, from 2004 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the percentage of graduates that got full-time jobs after graduating from a university in Australia, and the average salary of both these types of graduates, from 2004 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given graphs illustrate the proportion of graduate students who found full-time jobs after completing their studies at a faculty in Australia,
as well as
Linking Words
 the average income of both types of
graduates
Use synonyms
 over the
period
Use synonyms
 between 2004 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are two types of
graduates
Use synonyms
 , which are math
graduates
Use synonyms
 and other
graduates
Use synonyms
 with different employment percentages over the
period
Use synonyms
 from 2004 and 2012 ,
while
Linking Words
 the given table shows the incomes of these two groups ,which varied during the same
period
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of employment of math graduate students fluctuated over the given
period
Use synonyms
 but remained over 75%,
whereas
Linking Words
 the proportion of other
graduates
Use synonyms
 increased from 60%in 2004 to 80 % in 2006 ,
then
Linking Words
 it decreased to 70 % in 2012 .
On the other hand
Linking Words
,the incomes of both groups were equal in 2004 and 2006 at $41,000,
then
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 increased dramatically for math
graduates
Use synonyms
 , reaching $56,000 in 2012, compared with other
graduates
Use synonyms
' income , which rose slightly , reaching $51,000 in the same
period
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduates
  • Full-time employment
  • Average salary
  • Fluctuating trend
  • Correlation
  • Coincide
  • Stagnated salaries
  • Sector influence
  • Cyclical economic factors
  • Employment percentages
  • Salary trends
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