IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Rising university fees and scares employment prospects for graduates have led some people to say that universities should not teach arts subjects, like philosophy and history, and only offer practical degree courses that maximise chances of employment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that higher educational institutions ought not
educate
Verb problem
to educate
show examples
 humanities subjects
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
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example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 Philosophy and
Use synonyms
History
Punctuation problem
History,
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 as graduates are facing
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 employment
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
along with
Linking Words
 increasing fees in university
.
Check wording
fees.
show examples
 They consider
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 authority should allow nothing but practical courses in order to get the maximum opportunity for jobs. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view since
Correct article usage
the
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Arts is
such
Linking Words
 a versatile academic arena
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is anything but impractical. Most individuals have a misconception that Arts courses are invaluable in real
life
Punctuation problem
life,
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 as if the
scopes
Fix the agreement mistake
scope
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 were only limited
within
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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Aesthetics- the study of beauty and truth. But there are more aspects than ever which meet the
eyes
Fix the agreement mistake
eye
show examples
.
For example
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, Aristotle is considered the father of Political Science
who
Correct pronoun usage
he
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 is
also
Linking Words
 a great philosopher.
Infact
Correct your spelling
In fact
, Philosophy is the origin of Logic Studies
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 has led to the birth of Mathematics as a real, scientific field.
Thus
Linking Words
, Philosophy exhibits
a
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
a supreme practical prospect in employment sectors. In
case
Correct article usage
the case
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 of
History
Use synonyms
, it reminds us
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 past events which
determines
Correct subject-verb agreement
determine
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 the future trajectories of human
civilization
Change the spelling
civilisation
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. In order to secure a seat in
international
Correct article usage
the international
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 diplomatic world, one must know about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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world
history
Use synonyms
 to understand the complex
geo-political
Use the right word
geopolitical
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relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
.
Nonetheless
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, people who think studying
History
Use synonyms
 is unnecessary
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should observe more on how diplomacy works worldwide.
To conclude
Linking Words
, Arts subjects are often regarded as Humanities
due to
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 their intricate connection with human lives.
Therefore
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, universities should change their policy to make
tution
Correct your spelling
tuition
 fees affordable so that they can offer more
such
Linking Words
 courses to gain the most practical benefits
instead
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 of shutting them down.

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language
Fix many spelling and grammar mistakes. For example, write 'In fact', not 'Infact'; 'tuition' not 'tution'; and 'opportunities' not 'opportunites'.
language
Keep words simple and clear. Use short, plain sentences to make your point easy to read.
content
Make ideas clear and straight. Start with one main point, then give 1–2 small supports.
content
Be careful with facts. If you use big claims, check them. Avoid wrong facts like saying Aristotle is the father of Political Science; if you keep this, add a small note.
organization
Use linking words like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'therefore' to help flow from one idea to the next.
content
You take a clear side and give a good reason for it.
content
You give ideas to show how arts can help in life.
tone
You link arts to real issues like world talks and plan for work.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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