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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below shows the number of temporary migrant worker in four countries in 2003 and 2006 and the number of these workers per 1,000 people in these countries in 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Firstly
Linking Words
,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
States
Use synonyms
 and New
Zealand
Use synonyms
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the most and the
least
Use the right word
fewest
show examples
 temporary migrant
workers
Use synonyms
 in 2003 and
2006
Punctuation problem
2006,
show examples
 respectively.
According to
Linking Words
 the table.
United
Correct article usage
The United
show examples
States
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 577,000 and 678,000 temporary migrant
workers
Use synonyms
 in 2003 and 2006. Meanwhile, New
Zealand
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 65,000 and 87,000 in 2003 and 2006.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there
are
Verb problem
is are
show examples
 increasing trend of temporary migrant
workers
Use synonyms
 in four
countrie
Correct your spelling
countries
.
According to
Linking Words
 the table, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of temporary migrant
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 of Australia increased from 152,000 in 2003 to 219,000 in 2006; New
Zealand
Use synonyms
 increased from 65,000 in 2003 to 87,000 in 2006;
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom increased from 137,000 in 2003 to 266,000 in 2006; And
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
States
Use synonyms
 increased from 577,000 in 2003 to 678,000 in 2006.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, New
Zealand
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the
biggest
Correct word choice
largest
show examples
 number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
temporary migrant
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 per 1000
people
Use synonyms
 in 2006 among 4 countries.
According to
Linking Words
 the table, New
Zealand
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 21.1 temporary migrant
workers
Use synonyms
 per 1000
people
Use synonyms
 in 2006
To sum up
Linking Words
, those features
reflecting
Wrong verb form
reflect
show examples
 some information.
First,
Linking Words
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
States
Use synonyms
 and New
Zealand
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the most and the least number of temporary
migant
Correct your spelling
migrant
workers
Use synonyms
, showing that
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
States
Use synonyms
 have more
people
Use synonyms
 and New
Zealand
Use synonyms
 have
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
Second,
Linking Words
the increasing trend among
four
Correct article usage
the four
show examples
 countries
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
showing
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 that there are more migrant
people
Use synonyms
 in those four countries.
Third,
Linking Words
the higher rate of temporary migrant
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 per 1000
people
Use synonyms
 in New
Zealand
Use synonyms
 in 2006, showing New
Zealand
Use synonyms
 is more
productivity
Replace the word
productive
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words states, zealand, workers, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • temporary migrant workers
  • trends
  • absolute numbers
  • per 1,000 people
  • growth rate
  • per capita
  • labor markets
  • economies
  • significant
  • imply
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