IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Teenagers nowadays spend too much time on playing video games. Describe the effects on teenagers, families, and society. Report the measures to solve the problem.

One of the pressing issues of society and parents is teenagers
squendering
Correct your spelling
squandering
 their
time
Use synonyms
 on playing video games excessively.
Although
Linking Words
 the problem has already resulted in serious issues, it can still be alleviated through adopting appropriate measures.
This
Linking Words
 trend leads to several negative effects, the first of which is isolation.
In other words
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, once adolescents immerse themselves in digital games, they start to ignore outdoor activities and meetings with family and friends
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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consequently
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 dramatically reduces their social interaction. Another adverse impact of undue video gaming is that young people may not be able to differentiate reality from fantasy over
time
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, a boy in the US
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 a robbery in order to know the reaction of
police
Correct article usage
the police
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 and check whether the events match the
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
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 in the game.
Moreover
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, it has far-reaching effects on both mental and physical well-being. The World Health Organisation(WHO) reports that staring at the screen for a very long
time
Use synonyms
 strains eyes, which
subsequently
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 brings about
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
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 in vision, decreases concentration, which gives rise to low academic performance, promotes sleep
disorder
Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
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, and reduces physical ability, which encourages obesity.
Nevertheless
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, to
adress
Correct your spelling
address
this
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 issue, a number of solutions can
adopted
Verb problem
be adopted
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. The possible action would be reinforcing supervision from adults. To put it simply, parents should limit the play
time
Use synonyms
 of their children.
For instance
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, if young people are only allowed to engage with video games
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
twice or
thrice
Use the right word
three times
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 a week, they will begin to lose their obsession.
Furthermore
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, making them busy with other activities distances teenagers from their harmful habits. Psychology shows that children gravitate towards detrimental habits
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when they are overly free or bored. So, in
purpose
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order
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of rectifying
Change preposition
to rectify
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 the problem, it is better to
makle
Correct your spelling
make
 children involved in musical, artistic, or linguistic classes or take part in sports.
In addition
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, schools need to help parents with creating
weekly
Correct article usage
a weekly
show examples
 plan for students. In conclusion,
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While
Fix capitalization
while
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 the issue
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 negative outcomes for
family
Correct article usage
the family
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, society and teenagers themselves, numerous viable solutions can be implemented.

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planning
Plan your essay in three parts: effects on teens, effects on families, effects on society; then give the steps to solve. Use simple words and short lines.
organization
Give a clear idea in each part. Stay on one idea at a time. Use simple link words to show flow.
content
Add more real examples or facts. Check any claim before you write.
language
Check spelling and grammar. Use common, easy words.
conclusion
Finish with a short end that restates what you want the reader to know.
content
The writer tries to show effects on teens, family and society.
structure
There is a plan to show measures to solve the problem.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive effects
  • Physical inactivity
  • Video game addiction
  • Social impairment
  • Communication breakdown
  • Financial strain
  • Juvenile delinquency
  • Academic performance
  • Cultural norms
  • Parental control
  • Time management
  • Alternative hobbies
  • Support groups
  • Counseling services
  • Balanced lifestyle
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