IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The given bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age group who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevent.

The table presents the data of Australian males and females doing regular physical exercise in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the bar chart shows that females have the highest percentage in five different age categories. The data indicate that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
males record the highest increase in physical activity between 15 to 24
ages
Check wording
apply
show examples
,
over
Change preposition
by over
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
50%.
Thereafter
Linking Words
, the percentage declines
sharbly
Correct your spelling
sharply
 in the other
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 groups.
on
Fix capitalization
On
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 side, between 25 to over ages the percentages are
closely
Replace the word
close
show examples
 over 40%, near to 40%, above 40% and
also
Linking Words
 the other two groups are over 40%. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
sides
Check wording
hand
show examples
,
female
Correct article usage
the female
show examples
 percentage
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
gradual
Correct article usage
a gradual
show examples
 increase from 15to 64,
thereafter
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
indicated
Wrong verb form
indicating
show examples
 a sharp decrease in 65 and over, reaching above 40%.
For
Change preposition
To
show examples
 sum up,
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 65 and over
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
persentages
Correct your spelling
percentages
 were relatively
akin
Correct word choice
similar
show examples
 between males and females.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "thereafter".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: The word "indicate" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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