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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In modern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

Nowadays, young people spend more
time
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 with their
friends
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 rather than with their
families
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.
This
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 habit has become more common
due to
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 the nature of
parents
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' work, which prevents modern
families
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 from spending enough
time
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 with their
children
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.
However
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, I think that
families
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 should encourage their
children
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 to
socialize
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socialise
show examples
 with their
friends
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, and they should not force them to stay at
home
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 because
this
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 will help them build strong communication skills, which are essential for modern life. In the modern world, both
parents
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 have to work to make a living.
As a result
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,
parents
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 come back
home
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 exhausted, and they cannot be emotionally or physically available to their
children
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. That’s why
children
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 prefer to enjoy their
time
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 with
friends
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, so they can play and have
fun
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fun,
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 because at
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home
Punctuation problem
home,
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such
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 things are either unavailable or rarely happen.
For instance
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, in Kuwait,
families
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 tend to register their
children
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 in not one but two clubs so they can
socialize
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socialise
show examples
 and have fun after school. Even though
this
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 problem indeed exists,
families
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 should not force their
children
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 to spend extra
time
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 with them at
home
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 because kids will feel trapped and start to develop negative emotions towards their
parents
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, since they would prefer to spend
time
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 with their
friends
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 who can understand and play with them.
In contrast
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,
parents
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 should encourage their
children
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 to
socialize
Change the spelling
socialise
show examples
 with their
friends
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.
Although
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this
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 seems to have a bad impact on the parental relationship, it has plenty of positive impacts on their personal growth and social skills. That’s why
such
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 a practice should be encouraged.
For example
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, in Saudi Arabia, many businessmen shared that in their childhood, they had spent more
time
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socializing
Change the spelling
socialising
show examples
 with their peers rather than staying at
home
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 with their
parents
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, and they encourage more
families
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 to do so with their own
children
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.
To conclude
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, the nature of
parents
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' work is one of the main causes why
children
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 prefer to spend more
time
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 with their
friends
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.
Such
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 an idea should be encouraged
due to
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 its positive impact on the child’s personality and skills.

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structure
Make your main idea clear in the first paragraph and keep your main point in every paragraph.
structure
Use a clear sentence at the start of each paragraph and end with a short summary that links to your main idea.
examples
Give more exact and simple examples, and explain how they prove your point.
cohesion
Use simple links to show how one idea leads to the next so your writing flow is smoother.
grammar
Check small mistakes and use common words so your writing is easy to read.
stance
You show a clear view that parents should not force time at home.
content
You use real world examples from Kuwait and Saudi Arabia as ideas.
content
Your reason that social skills come from time with friends is good and real.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic commitments
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Technology and social media
  • Peer acceptance
  • Independence
  • Family dynamics
  • Cultural norms
  • Individualism
  • Parental enforcement
  • Family bonds
  • Social development
  • Autonomy versus guidance
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