IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many cities the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crime, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks?

It is true that active usage of
surveillance
Use synonyms
cameras
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 brought a
lot
Use synonyms
 of distress among
citizens
Punctuation problem
citizens,
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 where it is uncomfortable to be pointed out with the
cameras
Use synonyms
, on
Punctuation problem
. On
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counterpart
Check wording
the other hand
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, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 plenty of
evidences
Fix the agreement mistake
evidence
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where
Correct word choice
that
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 these
devices
Use synonyms
helped
Verb problem
have helped
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 to keep
sanity
Correct article usage
the sanity
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 of the
people
Use synonyms
 over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long periods of time.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 there are drastic negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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 of these remote
surveillance
Use synonyms
devices
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 in recent years, researchers concluded that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 most of the electricity in the country
consumed
Verb problem
is consumed
show examples
 by
surveillance
Use synonyms
devices
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as video
cameras
Use synonyms
, infrared
Use synonyms
cameras
Punctuation problem
cameras,
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 where environmental impact has to be expected. There are
also
Linking Words
 undeniable facts
where
Correct word choice
that
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 living beings surrounded by these appliances are exposed to harmful rays from these
devices
Use synonyms
.
Giving
Replace the word
Given
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 these details, being in the
epicenter
Change the spelling
epicentre
show examples
 of
surveillance
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 means nothing could be undone. Some mistakes
people
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 tend to
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 will be on tape where
people
Use synonyms
 with bad intentions could make use of it. Despite all the arguments above, there should be no doubt
of
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about
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immense
Correct article usage
the immense
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 help that these
devices
Use synonyms
 contributed. Recordings of particular events made
Correct article usage
the
show examples
job a
lot
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
easier for government authorities and
people
Use synonyms
 who were seeking justice. Fear of stigma has
also
Linking Words
 played an important role
where
Change preposition
in where
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 criminals decided to stay out of the issues and did not attempt crimes because of the involvement of
surveillance
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
Correct article usage
the psycholgical
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psycholgical
Correct your spelling
psychological
 side of
Use synonyms
people
Add a comma
people,
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 they fear
to become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 a scapegoat in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
socitey
Correct your spelling
society
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 they would not act against it.
For instance
Linking Words
,
There
Fix capitalization
there
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 were a
lot
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 of
advertisment
Correct your spelling
advertisement
 videos where children were encouraged
to not
Correct word order
not to
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 act against the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 criminals made a particular look in these educational videos. In conclusion, there are a
lot
Use synonyms
 of benefits that
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
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 with these developments for the country,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 we should
also
Linking Words
 be aware of our privacy and how we let it
captured
Verb problem
be captured
show examples
.

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structure
Plan before you write. Start with a short intro that says your view. End with a brief conclusion.
grammar
Use simple, clear sentences. Check subject and verb form.
content
Give clear ideas and back them with a simple example related to the point.
cohesion
Use linking words to show how ideas go together.
content
You write about both sides, so the task is on topic.
strength
You try to use examples and reasons, which helps.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Surveillance cameras
  • Public safety
  • Deterrent
  • Evidence collection
  • Apprehend perpetrators
  • Public spaces
  • Invasion of privacy
  • Civil liberties
  • Abuse of power
  • Misuse
  • Cost implications
  • Monitoring
  • Maintenance
  • Essential services
  • Justice system
What to do next:
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