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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates key information about the percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 who passed their driving
test
Use synonyms
 in one Asian country over the
period
Use synonyms
 from 1980 to 2010. The units are measured in proportion.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the production of
women
Use synonyms
 who passed their driving
test
Use synonyms
 recorded the highest levels,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
pass
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 for
men
Use synonyms
's driving
test
Use synonyms
 consistently had the lowest levels. In general, the data showed
overall
Linking Words
 fluctuations throughout the
period
Use synonyms
. In 1980, the figure for the
pass
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 for
women
Use synonyms
's driving
test
Use synonyms
 stood around 49%,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of
men
Use synonyms
 who passed their driving
test
Use synonyms
 was about 38%. During the
period
Use synonyms
, the
pass
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
's driving
test
Use synonyms
 experienced a sharp increase than
men
Use synonyms
 across the year, reaching 69% and 63% in 2000 and 2010. In comparison, the proportion of
women
Use synonyms
 increased noticeably over the
period
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
pass
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
's driving
test
Use synonyms
 showed a slight rise to about 49%, with only marginal changes.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, men, test, period, pass, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Pass rate
  • Driving test
  • Trend
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Milestone
  • Comparison
  • Significant difference
  • Broad social changes
  • Policy changes
  • Surpass
  • Reflect
  • Implications
  • Disparity
  • Overall trends
  • Summarize
  • Statistical data
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