IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that children should spend more time on outdoor activities, while others believe that playing video games is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is a debate among
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 individuals whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 should spend enough time
to play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 outdoor
games
Use synonyms
 or indoor
games
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 better than outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
. I believe that outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 more beneficial than playing video
games
Use synonyms
. In the following
paragraphs
Add a comma
paragraphs,
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both the views by providing my own view. On the one hand, some people think that outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
 are best. By playing
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
show examples
,
children
Use synonyms
 may feel more active and calm because they get a chance to do physical
activities
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are not only physically fit but
mentally
Correct word order
also mentally
show examples
also
Linking Words
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 can enjoy stress
free
Use the right word
stress-free
show examples
 lifestyle because they get a chance to play with their friends and family.
Therefore
Linking Words
, peaceful surroundings
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
show examples
 them positively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, certain people
also
Linking Words
 believe that indoor
activities
Use synonyms
 are more beneficial
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than outdoor
games
Use synonyms
 because parents do not need to worry about their kids. As they are always
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the house so there are
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 chances to get hurt physically.
To conclude
Linking Words
 ,
although
Linking Words
indoors
Use the right word
indoor
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 play
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 vital role
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the lives
pf
Use the right word
of
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 by making them mentally fit
however
Linking Words
 the advantages of outdoor
cannot
Check wording
activities cannot
show examples
 be ignored. I opine that outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
 are more important
due to
Linking Words
 their benefits

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planning
Plan your essay. First write the intro, then the body, then the end. State your view clearly in the opening.
organization
Keep ideas in a simple line. Use easy word to link ideas like 'also', 'but', 'however'.
content
Be sure to talk about both sides of the topic. If you say video games, be clear why outdoor time is better.
grammar
Check grammar. Watch for small errors like subject-verb and plural form.
examples
Give a small example to back a point. This can be a real fact or a simple idea.
content
The essay tries to cover both view points and gives a final thought.
structure
Contrasts are used with 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
clarity
Some sentences are easy to read and clear.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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