IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar charts shows the details the percentage of two types of television programmes, namely reality and game shows watched by males and females in different age groups in Australia.

The bar graph illustrates the proportion of two types of television programs, which are
reality
Use synonyms
 and
game
Use synonyms
show
Fix the agreement mistake
shows
show examples
, across gender and
age
Use synonyms
 groups in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is readily apparent that
reality
Use synonyms
 shows are markedly dominated by female viewers,
whereas
Linking Words
game
Use synonyms
 shows are roughly equal to male viewers. Other than that, people aged 45
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 majoring in both
reality
Use synonyms
 and
game
Use synonyms
 shows. In terms of
reality
Use synonyms
 shows,
female
Correct article usage
the female
show examples
 audience is about twice more
than
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the male.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
age
Use synonyms
 group proportion shows
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 gradual increase from 50% to 70% between people aged 16-24 and 45. As for the
game
Use synonyms
 show, the difference between
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
 and female
audience
Fix the agreement mistake
audiences
show examples
 is negligible.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the viewers from
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 group 16-24 to 24-35 are decreasing moderately by approximately 11%, before demonstrating
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 rise and
reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 its peak in the
last
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 group.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words reality, game, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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