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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds ofenergy production of France in two years

The pie charts
illusrate
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illustrate
that
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apply
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the contrast of divergent
catagories
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categories
 of
energy
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production
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 in France during ten
years
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. The coal made up the largest
proportion
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 of
energy
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production
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 in
two
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years
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. The
proportion
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 of the other
energy
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 was the lowest
number
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apply
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in
two
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years
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. At the same time, only the ratio of petro declined between ten
years
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. Between these ten
years
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, the
proportion
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 of
the
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apply
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coal
kept
Verb problem
remained
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 the largest number and it
grow
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grew
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 slightly from 29.80% to 30.93%. The gas made up
the
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the second largest part of the
energy
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production
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 in
two
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years
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,
whch
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which
increase
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increased
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 from 29.63% to 30.31%. At the same time, the rate of the other
energy
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 remained the lowest amount of the five kinds of
energy
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production
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Linking Words
although
Punctuation problem
, although
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 it jumped from 4.90% to 9.10%. The trend of petro ,which kept the third largest
proportion
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 of the whole
energy
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production
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, was special because it was the only rate of
energy
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declined
Correct pronoun usage
that declined
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 from 29.27% to 19.55%. The ratio of the nuclear grew a little from 6.4% to 10.10% in
two
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years
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, production, years, proportion, two with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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