IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012. Summarise information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates the number of
females
Use synonyms
 and
males
Use synonyms
 who are working in different sections inside the university in the year 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that the men's percentage was higher than
women's
Correct article usage
the women's
show examples
 in each faculty except arts and education.
Also
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 both sexes shared the same proportion for medicine.
According to
Linking Words
 the data given, the women staff who worked in arts had almost 57%,
while
Linking Words
 the male staff had a
percentage
Check wording
rate
show examples
near
Change preposition
of
show examples
40
Rephrase
about 40
show examples
%; for business, it is noticeable that the male rate rose to about 63%,
whereas
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the females
show examples
females
Fix the agreement mistake
female
show examples
decreased
Check wording
rate decreased
show examples
 to under 40%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
females
Use synonyms
 whose field was education increased to about 80%,
while
Linking Words
males
Use synonyms
 fell to almost 20%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in engineering,
males
Use synonyms
 had their top point when
females
Use synonyms
 had their lowest. As for law,
females
Use synonyms
 and
males
Use synonyms
 had exactly 40% and 60%, respectively; in science,
males
Use synonyms
 had double the ratio of what
females
Use synonyms
 had, which was almost 25%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words females, males with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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