IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two pie charts below describe several employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992.
Overall
Linking Words
 that those
employers
Use synonyms
 who are employing for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
managerial and professional
Check wording
positions was
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 more than
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
employers
Use synonyms
. In
comparison
Add a comma
comparison,
show examples
 the
employers
Use synonyms
 who
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 employing for general labourers
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 than other
employers
Use synonyms
 among men and women in Great Britain in 1992.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, only six per cent of clerical or related male
employers
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the average for clerical or related was nearly one third among
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
. About a roughly one quarter
all
Change preposition
of all
show examples
employers
Use synonyms
 as similar
between
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other manual
.
Correct pronoun usage
ones.
show examples
However
Linking Words
,
minority
Correct article usage
a minority
show examples
 of
employers
Use synonyms
 work in other
non manual
Use the right word
non-manual
show examples
each sex
Check wording
sectors
show examples
 and
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
 in 1992.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words employers with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment patterns
  • unemployment
  • sector
  • distribution
  • comparison
  • percentage
  • manufacturing
  • services
  • full-time
  • part-time
  • Great Britain
  • demographics
  • workforce
  • labor market
  • 1992
  • data representation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: