IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors who came to the UK for different purposes between 1989 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make icomparison where relevant.

The line graph illustrates the influx of
foreigns
Use the right word
foreign
show examples
visit
Use the right word
visitors to
show examples
 the UK For three types of activities (Holiday, Business and Visit to friends or relatives) from 1989 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the graph is that there were considerable upward trends in the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in all activities over the period. Another interesting point is that
visitors
Use synonyms
 who
visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
frineds
Correct your spelling
friends
 or
reltaives
Correct your spelling
relatives
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 the highest
Use synonyms
visitors
Check wording
apply
show examples
number than the others. Looking at the details, as regards on holiday, in 1989,
visitors
Use synonyms
 stood at around 6.5
millon
Correct your spelling
million
,
then
Linking Words
 the trend rose sharply in the first decade and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a peak at approximately 9.5
million
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
then
Fix capitalization
Then
show examples
 it went in
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 direction until
2004
Punctuation problem
2004,
show examples
 at almost 7.8
million
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it recovered to reach around 9
million
Use synonyms
 in 2009. If we look at
foregins
Correct your spelling
foreigners
 who visit their friends or relatives, the figure climbed dramatically over the years except in 2009.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the trend of business went in
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 direction at around 4
million
Use synonyms
 in the next three years.
Linking Words
then
Fix capitalization
Then
show examples
 the figure rose significantly,reaching
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
6.5
million
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1999.
Then
Linking Words
 it slightly decreased to 6.2
Check wording
million at
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2004,
then
Linking Words
 fluctuated until 2009 and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same level at 6.2
million
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • number
  • visitors
  • rise
  • increase
  • grow
  • fall
  • decrease
  • peak
  • high
  • low
  • stay
  • stable
  • change
  • pattern
  • trend
  • more
  • less
  • than
  • during
  • in
  • across
  • from
  • to
  • by
  • compared with
  • whereas
  • overall
  • holiday
  • business
  • friends
  • relatives
  • year
  • years
  • percent
  • proportion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: