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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the proportion of businesses making e-commerce purchases by industry in Canada between 2015 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of businesses that made
e-commerce
Use synonyms
purchases
Use synonyms
 in Canada
frim
Use the right word
from
show examples
 2015
-
Change preposition
to
show examples
2019. Information and Communications made the highest number of
e-commerce
Use synonyms
purchases
Use synonyms
 compared to the other businesses.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the construction industry made the least amount of
e-commerce
Use synonyms
purchases
Use synonyms
. Admittedly, every business steadily increased the number of
e-commerce
Use synonyms
purchases
Use synonyms
 it made throughout the 5 years. Information and Communications showed a steady increase in
e-commerce
Use synonyms
purchases
Use synonyms
 from 2015-2018 and recorded the highest number of
e-commerce
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purchases
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 in 2018 at 70%.
However
Linking Words
, it noticed a drop of almost 5% in its
purchases
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 in 2019. Retail showed a sharp incline in
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
purchases
Use synonyms
going
Punctuation problem
, going
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 from 30% in 2015 to 50% 2016. From 2016
onwards
Punctuation problem
onwards,
show examples
 it noticed a gradual increase in
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
e-commerce
Use synonyms
purchases
Use synonyms
. Wholesale and Construction steadily increased their electronic
purchases
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 throughout the years. Wholesale was making 40% of
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
purchases
Use synonyms
 electronically in 2015
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 these
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
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 rose to more than 60% by 2019. Construction made only 20% of its
purhcases
Correct your spelling
purchases
 electronically, eventually these figures rose marginally to more than 50% by 2019. Compared to other
businesses
Punctuation problem
businesses,
show examples
 Manufacturing showed fluctuations in
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
 electronic
purchases
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Initially
Add a comma
Initially,
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 the numbers rose from 30% to slightly more than 50% in 2016.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, a decline was seen soon
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 when the numbers fell to almost 45% in 2017. Despite
this
Linking Words
, the numbers gradually rose until
2019
Punctuation problem
2019,
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where
Correct word choice
when
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 the business made almost 60% of its
purchases
Use synonyms
elecctronically
Correct your spelling
electronically
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words e-commerce, purchases with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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