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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the proportion of businesses making e-commerce purchases by industry in Canada between 2015 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of businesses that made
e-commerce
Use synonyms
purchases
Use synonyms
 in Canada
frim
Use the right word
from
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 2015
-
Change preposition
to
show examples
2019. Information and Communications made the highest number of
e-commerce
Use synonyms
purchases
Use synonyms
 compared to the other businesses.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the construction industry made the least amount of
e-commerce
Use synonyms
purchases
Use synonyms
. Admittedly, every business steadily increased the number of
e-commerce
Use synonyms
purchases
Use synonyms
 it made throughout the 5 years. Information and Communications showed a steady increase in
e-commerce
Use synonyms
purchases
Use synonyms
 from 2015-2018 and recorded the highest number of
e-commerce
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purchases
Use synonyms
 in 2018 at 70%.
However
Linking Words
, it noticed a drop of almost 5% in its
purchases
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 in 2019. Retail showed a sharp incline in
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
purchases
Use synonyms
going
Punctuation problem
, going
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 from 30% in 2015 to 50% 2016. From 2016
onwards
Punctuation problem
onwards,
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 it noticed a gradual increase in
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
e-commerce
Use synonyms
purchases
Use synonyms
. Wholesale and Construction steadily increased their electronic
purchases
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 throughout the years. Wholesale was making 40% of
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
purchases
Use synonyms
 electronically in 2015
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 these
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
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 rose to more than 60% by 2019. Construction made only 20% of its
purhcases
Correct your spelling
purchases
 electronically, eventually these figures rose marginally to more than 50% by 2019. Compared to other
businesses
Punctuation problem
businesses,
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 Manufacturing showed fluctuations in
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
 electronic
purchases
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Initially
Add a comma
Initially,
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 the numbers rose from 30% to slightly more than 50% in 2016.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, a decline was seen soon
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 when the numbers fell to almost 45% in 2017. Despite
this
Linking Words
, the numbers gradually rose until
2019
Punctuation problem
2019,
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where
Correct word choice
when
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 the business made almost 60% of its
purchases
Use synonyms
elecctronically
Correct your spelling
electronically
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words e-commerce, purchases with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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