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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph shows the amount earned by graduates of different age groups in 2002. It includes those with a degree, those with a higher degree (postgraduates) and those with other qualifications. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the weekly
earnings
Use synonyms
 of full-time graduate employees by type of
degree
Use synonyms
 and age in 2002.
Firstly
Linking Words
, we can see a positive trend for people with any
degree
Use synonyms
, aged from 21 to
approximatively
Correct your spelling
approximately
 38. The
ones
Use synonyms
 with higher and first education
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 slightly less
earnings
Use synonyms
 per week compared to the
ones
Use synonyms
 with other
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of qualification. Generally, the
earnings
Use synonyms
 of a 21 to
25 years old
Correct word choice
25-year-old
show examples
 were around 350-420 pounds, and the
Use synonyms
ones
Check wording
earnings
show examples
 of a 36 to
40 years old
Replace the word
40-year-old
 were a bit different. It varied from 700
,
Check wording
pounds
show examples
 for
the
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
ones
Use synonyms
 with
first
Correct article usage
a first
show examples
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 higher
degree
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to 820 pounds
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 earned by peoples with other diplomas.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the graph shows a visible downward trend in the weekly
earnings
Use synonyms
 of individuals aged 39-60 with another type of qualification,
by the end reaching nearly 700 pounds
Correct word order
reaching nearly 700 pounds by the end
show examples
, similar
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
earnings
Use synonyms
 of someone who has a first
degree
Use synonyms
. Taken as a whole, there is mainly an upward trend, but the
ones
Use synonyms
 aged 56-60 had the most
earnings
Use synonyms
 of 780, with a higher
degree
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words earnings, degree, ones with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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