IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

In a substantial
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
respublics
Correct your spelling
republics
, primary and secondary education centres are not working for two months or more in the
summer
Use synonyms
 season because of
holidays
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a lot of advantages, and at the same
time
Use synonyms
disadvantages
Punctuation problem
, disadvantages
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 of long school
holidays
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I shall provide my opinion with the arguments
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 about
this
Linking Words
 topic. On the one hand, a significant
time
Use synonyms
 of study places
holidays
Use synonyms
 has a positive impactfor students.
In addition
Linking Words
, they tend to take a
motivation
Check wording
break
show examples
 and
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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time
Use synonyms
 with their family,
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 difficult to find
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the study season. Usually, learners are waiting for long-term
holidays
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
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for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, it is
also
Linking Words
 a positive motivation to pass the final exams.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a lot of learners used to work in
Use synonyms
summer
Correct article usage
the summer
show examples
, to have their own money, and it will be
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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experince
Correct your spelling
experience
 for their future cover letter and work skills.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 some causes why schools tend to make
summer
Use synonyms
holidays
Use synonyms
 shorter. The main reason is to save their knowledge.
For instance
Linking Words
, a lot of my peers gave
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
feedback about long
holidays
Use synonyms
, and 80% of them forgot all of obtain materials,
however
Linking Words
, there is one solution. Education centres can give some
exercices
Correct your spelling
exercises
, which learners tend to do durnig
summer
Use synonyms
 season, and it
is
Correct word order
will also
show examples
also
Linking Words
 will assist them
relish
Wrong verb form
to enjoy
show examples
 their
holidays
Use synonyms
, without
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact on study places. Taking everything into account,
this
Linking Words
 statement has a significant amount of
values
Check wording
value
show examples
 for students, who can
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 their
time
Use synonyms
 in
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 way for their
develop
Replace the word
development
 and
familyship
Correct your spelling
family
.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You talk about good points of long holidays and one reason for short holidays, but the second part needs more ideas.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Add one or two clear examples for each main idea. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences at the start of each body part so the reader can follow your main idea easily.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with simple words like first, also, for example, however, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar because some lines are hard to follow, and this hurts the flow of the essay.
task response
You answer the topic and talk about both long holidays and shorter holidays.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to add reasons such as family time, work experience, and loss of learning.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
What to do next:
Look at other essays: