IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You applied to a job, were offered the position, but have decided not to accept the offer. Write a letter to the HR supervisor with whom you interviewed. In your letter: •Explain the reason why you are declining the offer •Describe your reasons for staying with your current position •Express your gratitude You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Ms. Barry,

Dear
Ms.
Change the punctuation
Ms
show examples
 Barry, I hope you are doing well. I appreciate the interview opportunity I had with you
last
Linking Words
 week. After careful consideration during these two days, I am writing to let you know that I would like to decline the position you provided in your company. There are several reasons why I have decided to continue to work in my current school.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I find myself loving the students I have been
taught
Wrong verb form
teaching
show examples
 so much that I feel upset by thinking of leaving them behind.
Secondly
Linking Words
, by using music therapy, I
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
 some particular students in my classroom have made great progress
last
Linking Words
semster
Correct your spelling
semester
. If I leave at present, the effect can be negatively influenced.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, I have to admit that three months of holiday annually is another factor
I
Correct pronoun usage
that I
show examples
would like to stay in a school setting.
Although
Linking Words
 I notice that working at your company has great promotion and better opportunities to improve my skills
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 music therapy by serving more clients, I think it is not the best timing currently to move.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I would give myself one more year to work in the current
postion
Correct your spelling
position
. Thanks again for the position and the interview you
have
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
provided. I hope I will have
future
Correct article usage
a future
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 chance to cooperate with you and your company. Sincerely, Abigail

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task response
Make your reason a bit more clear at the start. Say why you cannot take the job in one direct line.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words a bit more carefully. Some parts can flow in a smoother way.
task response
Check some word forms and small grammar points, because they can make your ideas less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main point in each part and end each part clearly.
task response
You answered all parts of the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear opening, body, and closing.
task response
The tone is polite and thankful.
coherence and cohesion
You used words like firstly, secondly, and therefore to guide the reader.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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