IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries it is very easy to apply for and be given credit card. However, this causes some people to have problems with debt they cannot pay back. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In the contemporary era, credit
cards
Use synonyms
 are given to residents conveniently in some parts of the world, which can create some problems for them. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 scenario has more pros than cons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 drawbacks is that some
people
Use synonyms
 overspend their money
while
Linking Words
 shopping. They usually realise later when they get their bank statements. Some of them may not have enough money to pay
debt
Correct determiner usage
their debt
show examples
 before the due date;
consequently
Linking Words
, a large amount of interest is added to their bill monthly, which is probably hard to pay off.
For example
Linking Words
, in recent years, some Canadians
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 struggling to pay their credit card bills, leading them to file for bankruptcy. On the
hand
Correct determiner usage
one hand
show examples
, I contend that having a number of credit
cards
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 beneficial.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 have limited resources
income
Correct word choice
and income
show examples
, which is quite difficult for them to save a small amount of money for emergency situations.
For instance
Linking Words
, tuition fees for international students are quite high, and they can pay off
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the
amount
Correct word choice
entire amount
show examples
 at the same time. At that time, they can use their
cards
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, using the
cards
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 quite safer compared to carrying cash,
which
Correct word choice
as
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can lose them
while
Linking Words
 taking
out
Correct pronoun usage
them out
show examples
 of their pockets. If they forget their
cards
Use synonyms
 at any place, there is an option where individuals can block them.
Thus
Linking Words
, an unauthorised person cannot use them
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they get a new one after visiting the bank in person.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 overspending without realisation is the main drawback of having an abundance of
cards
Use synonyms
, I think that
people
Use synonyms
 can use them in any emergency situations
coupled with
Linking Words
 being more secure
that
Use the right word
than
show examples
 cash, which are the main advantages of
this
Linking Words
 trend.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. Say clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Develop each main idea a bit more. Add one more clear sentence to explain how credit cards help in real life.
task response
Use examples more carefully. Your Canada example is relevant, but the student fee example is not fully clear because it should show why credit cards are better overall.
task response
Make grammar in key ideas more clear, because meaning is sometimes hard to follow. This affects how well your ideas are understood.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more accurately. For example, write 'On the other hand' instead of 'On the hand'.
coherence and cohesion
Keep sentence patterns simple when ideas are important. Some long sentences make the meaning less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make paragraph support more balanced. The second body paragraph has good points, but they need clearer explanation and cleaner links.
coherence and cohesion
Check pronouns and noun forms. Words like 'them', 'they', and 'cards' are sometimes not used in a clear way.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep the same view in the conclusion.
task response
You discuss both the bad side and the good side, so the answer covers the full question.
task response
You use a real world example about debt in Canada, which helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like 'To begin with', 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'To conclude'.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main focus, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • easy access to credit
  • be given a credit card
  • pay by card
  • buy now and pay later
  • build a credit record
  • online shopping
  • cashless payment
  • emergency cost
  • home repair
  • travel booking
  • overspending
  • spend more than they should
  • high interest rate
  • extra fee
  • unpaid bill
  • fall into debt
  • pay back the money
  • financial stress
  • money control
  • low income
  • poor financial planning
  • consumer protection
  • credit check
  • responsible use
  • the advantages outweigh the disadvantages
  • in my view
  • overall
  • as a result
  • on the other hand
  • for example
What to do next:
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