IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

At the end
Linking Words
 of each academic year, students, teachers
Correct word choice
, and
show examples
although
Linking Words
 parents are waiting to start their
summer
Use synonyms
 holidays.
However
Linking Words
, the question is:
Which
Fix capitalization
which
show examples
 one is more convenient,
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 or
shoet vaction
Correct your spelling
a short vacation
? In
this
Linking Words
essay
Punctuation problem
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss the answer considering the expected values behind the long holidays, and why some are in favour
pf
Correct your spelling
of
 shorter
school
Use synonyms
hoilday
Correct your spelling
holidays
. In general, having a break after spending
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 studying or working is a positive reward that individuals need to
charge
Verb problem
recharge
show examples
 their energy and get back to
normal
Correct determiner usage
their normal
show examples
 routine full of vitality. Yet, what is the right off duration?
.
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Focoucing
Correct your spelling
Focusing
 on schools, most of countriies give two months
Use synonyms
summer
Change preposition
of summer
show examples
 vacation. In my
opinion
Punctuation problem
opinion,
show examples
this
Linking Words
a
Verb problem
is a
show examples
fair duration that would give students enough
period
Check wording
time
show examples
 before getting back to their
school
Use synonyms
. It will
be reflecting on them and their family positively
Correct word order
reflect positively on them and their family
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, parents can develop their
kids
Check wording
kids'
show examples
 skills and give them
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to learn new
intreasting
Correct your spelling
interesting
 things by enrolling them
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 one of the
summer
Use synonyms
 camps. During
Use synonyms
summer
Punctuation problem
summer,
show examples
 a lot of schools or communities open
summer
Use synonyms
 camps, and they provide different activities like teaching swimming, new languages, arts and community
serveses
Correct your spelling
services
.
Also
Linking Words
, some
famillies
Correct your spelling
families
 prefer to travel and spend
time
Use synonyms
 with their children in discovering new places.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it has
economical binfit
Correct your spelling
economic benefit
,
for
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 parents will have opportunities to collect
school
Use synonyms
 fees befor starting of
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 year.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there is an argument in favour
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 short
holiday
Check wording
holidays
show examples
, some people
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that long
vactions
Correct your spelling
vacations
 have drawbacks
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their kids.
some
Fix capitalization
Some
show examples
 children might spend their
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing, eating
snaks
Correct your spelling
snacks
 and
non-healthy
Correct article usage
a non-healthy
show examples
 diet, or sleeping, and by the end of their
break
Punctuation problem
break,
show examples
 they usually forget what they
learnt
Correct your spelling
learned
last
Linking Words
yeat
Correct your spelling
year
, gain
weigh
Replace the word
weight
,
land
Use the right word
and
show examples
 have no
pation
Correct your spelling
passion
 to get back to
school
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that regardless
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
vaction
Correct your spelling
vacation
 length, applying a
schedual
Correct your spelling
schedule
 for different activities for our children
willallow
Correct your spelling
will allow
 them to get the
binfit
Correct your spelling
benefit
 of the
Use synonyms
summer
Correct your spelling
summertime
time
Use synonyms
 and
mae
Correct your spelling
make
 them
energitic
Correct your spelling
energetic
 and waiting to start their new year.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both questions more clearly. Write one main part about the good side of long holidays and one main part about why some people want shorter holidays.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear at the start of each part. This helps the reader follow your answer.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Some points are good, but a few need more detail to show why they matter.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a careful way. Words like 'however', 'for example', and 'moreover' are useful, but your sentences should stay easy and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraphing. Your essay has a clear start and end, but the middle can be better split by idea.
task response
You answer both parts of the question.
task response
You give real examples, like summer camps, travel, and saving money for school fees.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas mostly move in a clear order from one part to the next.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
What to do next:
Look at other essays: