IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The provided table illustrates the participation rates of Australian males and females aged 15 and over in several sports and physical recreation activities during the 2011-12 period. Summarise the information by selecting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The provided table illustrates the proportion of
participation
Use synonyms
 in picked sports and physical recreation
activities
Use synonyms
 by gender in Australia from 2011 to 2012. Walking for exercise was the most popular activity for both genders, though female
participation
Use synonyms
 was significantly higher at 30.4% compared to 16.5% for males.
Similarly
Linking Words
, fitness and gym
activities
Use synonyms
 saw higher female engagement (19.1%) than male (15.1%). These two categories represented the highest
overall
Linking Words
participation
Use synonyms
 rates for both groups.
Conversely
Linking Words
, some sports showed a distinct gender divide. Cycling, jogging, and tennis were more popular among men,
while
Linking Words
 swimming was slightly
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
 by women (8.0% vs. 7.5%). Notably, certain
activities
Use synonyms
 were exclusive to one gender in
this
Linking Words
 data
:
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 golf, outdoor football, and basketball recorded
participation
Use synonyms
 only among males (8.2%, 4.1%, and 2.8%
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
),
whereas
Linking Words
 netball and yoga were exclusively female
activities
Use synonyms
 at 4.5% and 3.3%.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 walking and gym-based exercise were the most common
activities
Use synonyms
 for both sexes, women had a higher total
participation
Use synonyms
 rate (79.4%) compared to men (77.6%).

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words participation, activities with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "provided" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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