IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the percentage in the share of international students among university graduates in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar chart illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of international students
graduated
Correct pronoun usage
who graduated
show examples
 from different Canadian
universities
Use synonyms
 between 2001 and 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of international graduates increased. New Brunswick recorded
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 proportion
while
Linking Words
 Ontario came
last
Linking Words
 in both years. For some of the
universities
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 was doubled
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 remained just below twice
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their initial number
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
However
Linking Words
,
substantial
Correct article usage
a substantial
show examples
 rise was observed in all
universities
Use synonyms
. In 2001, around 7% of the international students graduated from New Brunswick
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 doubled in 2006. British
Colombia
Use the right word
Columbia
show examples
 saw
dramatic
Correct article usage
a dramatic
show examples
 increase,
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 at just below 5%
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 the figure
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more than doubled
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period. Nova Scotia had the 3rd highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of just above 10% in 2006. The numbers soared steadily for every other university. Quebec marginally increased.
In contrast
Linking Words
, remaining
universities
Use synonyms
 had doubled the figures since the first year. But the number remained lower than 10%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Ontario remained
at the
Change preposition
in
show examples
last
Linking Words
 place in both 2001 and 2006.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, universities with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just below" was used 2 times.
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