Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There is no denying the fact
that
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
there are
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some companies asking about
privates
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private
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information,
while
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it is commonly held belief that information may be relevant and useful
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also
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, and also
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benefits.
there
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There
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is
also
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an argument that
another
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Another
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individual will disagree with
this
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topic of applying
jobs
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for jobs
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.
This
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essay will analyse
this
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topic from both points of view and express my opinion
According to
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me
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me,
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there
is
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are
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a lot of questions
is approximated
Verb problem
related
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to
the
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apply
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personal information
but
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, but
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is
Verb problem
apply
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not directly,
for example
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if
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, whether
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they live alone or with their parents.
In
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addition
Add a comma
addition,
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this
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approach is not appropriate for
majority
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the majority
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of people, it is
also
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possible to say the particular questions will give you a
largely
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general
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position because the circumstances from person to person
is
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are
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different. In conclusion,
although
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this
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issue presents both positive and negative aspects, its
overall
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consequences largely depend on the way it is handled and the measures taken to deal with it.

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task response
Answer both sides of the topic. Now you do not explain clearly why some people think this information is useful and why others do not.
task response
Give your own view in a clear way. Write it in the body and in the end.
task response
Add one or two clear examples. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make one clear main idea in each body part. Now some ideas are not easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words like first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some lines are hard to understand because the words are not in a clear order.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
You try to give your opinion.
task response
You use some topic words like personal information and jobs.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
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