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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

More and more women are now going out to work and some women are now the major salary earner in the family. What are the causes of this, and what effect is this having on families and society?

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Introduction
In recent decades, the number of
women
Use synonyms
 entering the workforce has grown significantly, with many
Body · 1
now serving as the primary breadwinners of their households.
This
Linking Words
 shift can be attributed to several causes and has profound implications for both family dynamics and broader society. I truly believe
this
Linking Words
 brings some major effects for families.
Body · 2
One significant consequence is economic independence. Some
women
Use synonyms
 want to have their
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 in
Body · 3
their families. So, they
force
Wrong verb form
are forced
show examples
 to work in some companies for the money.
In other words
Linking Words
, we can notice some
women
Use synonyms
 who are receiving salary
that more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
tend to spend their money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 daily costs.
For instance
Linking Words
, my mother always
work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
show examples
 as
teacher
Correct article usage
a teacher
show examples
 in schools
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 she always
tell
Correct subject-verb agreement
tells
show examples
 me
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 reason for working is money
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is important for economic independence.
Body · 4
Other
Correct determiner usage
Another
show examples
 primary cause of
this
Linking Words
 trend is gender equality. Many
women
Use synonyms
 desire to have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same reputation
Body · 5
among males. These problems can lead
women
Use synonyms
 to work in some workforces.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
Use synonyms
women
Punctuation problem
women,
show examples
 especially youngster's wanting to have equal
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
 in their homes.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, they make many efforts to have
equal
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
equality among males.
Body · 6
In conclusion, more and more
women
Use synonyms
 are working more in some workplaces
due to
Linking Words
 some major
Conclusion
consequences. First of all, the reason for
this
Linking Words
 issue is having economic independence
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
factors
Fix the agreement mistake
factor
show examples
 is gender equality.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Write clear causes and clear effects on family and society.
task response
Give more direct ideas. Some parts talk about causes, but effects are not explained enough.
task response
Use one clear example for each main idea. Make sure the example fits the point.
coherence and cohesion
Make paragraph ideas easier to follow. Put one main idea in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a better way, such as 'because', 'as a result', and 'for example'.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects to the question. Remove lines that repeat the same idea.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has basic paragraph order, so the reader can follow the main plan.
task response
You give two causes: money and equal rights. These are relevant to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic necessity
  • salary earner
  • career opportunities
  • gender equality
  • dual-income
  • societal norms
  • role models
  • economic growth
  • traditional values
  • work-life balance
  • empowerment
  • workforce participation
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